Once upon a time, there was a girl born to two teenagers in a small town in Tennessee. They did the best they could to raise her, and quickly learned that the best way to keep her under control was with idle threats. Of course the girl didn’t know that they would not follow through with the intimidation until much much later, so each time that they threatened to leave her somewhere or give her away to someone else worked to keep the girl under tight control.
One of their favorite methods was giving the girl the silent treatment, going days without taking to her for almost any act of disobedience. Not getting the laundry folded in time or put up incorrectly would result in wordless days between parent and pleading child. If the behavior was significant, the phrase “if it wasn’t illegal I would leave you at such-and-such so another parent could try and make you act right!” or “I don’t even know why I come home to you anymore, one day I’m just going to go start my life over -- without you!” It didn’t matter how the girl cried, begged, pleaded with her parents, the silence continued.
This blog isn’t big enough to tell about the adult relationships that reaffirmed these negativities. The people she trusted, cared for, and became involved with – their verbal rage of how the girl could never make anyone happy or constant questioning of how anyone could truly be interested in her left emotional gashes in her heart where previous scars had been carved. A time that haunts her still, happened about six years ago. Someone the girl loved deeply, devoted herself to serving, and obeyed with all her might suddenly decided they no longer wanted to be involved with the girl and just ditched her one night, literally.
And now, as an adult, the girl tends to feel this overwhelming panic sensation when her requests of attention go unanswered for extended periods at a time. This overpowering fear of the quiet person being either angry, upset, or disappointed in her almost smothers the very breath from her being. This is made much worse if the person in question has already vanished once before, because the words still echo in her head... how the girl only makes people miserable and he/she should just forget all about her, starting fresh elsewhere.
As stated before, the girls parents meant well, they were only doing what they were taught from a young age to do. Luckily, they have matured since then and no longer use emotional abandonment to get their way, guilt is now the weapon of choice. The girl is struggling not to let this fear/pain control her emotions and reactions now. But sometimes, when the nights are extra dark, her surroundings extra quiet... those old ghosts come to disturbs her once again...
Knowing her own background and how she seems to be a bit “thin skinned” when it comes to attention and being in contact with someone, the girl does her best to explain that when she reaches out – she isnt trying to control the other person or get a ‘certain reaction’, sometimes she just needs to know that the other person is still there.
One of their favorite methods was giving the girl the silent treatment, going days without taking to her for almost any act of disobedience. Not getting the laundry folded in time or put up incorrectly would result in wordless days between parent and pleading child. If the behavior was significant, the phrase “if it wasn’t illegal I would leave you at such-and-such so another parent could try and make you act right!” or “I don’t even know why I come home to you anymore, one day I’m just going to go start my life over -- without you!” It didn’t matter how the girl cried, begged, pleaded with her parents, the silence continued.
This blog isn’t big enough to tell about the adult relationships that reaffirmed these negativities. The people she trusted, cared for, and became involved with – their verbal rage of how the girl could never make anyone happy or constant questioning of how anyone could truly be interested in her left emotional gashes in her heart where previous scars had been carved. A time that haunts her still, happened about six years ago. Someone the girl loved deeply, devoted herself to serving, and obeyed with all her might suddenly decided they no longer wanted to be involved with the girl and just ditched her one night, literally.
And now, as an adult, the girl tends to feel this overwhelming panic sensation when her requests of attention go unanswered for extended periods at a time. This overpowering fear of the quiet person being either angry, upset, or disappointed in her almost smothers the very breath from her being. This is made much worse if the person in question has already vanished once before, because the words still echo in her head... how the girl only makes people miserable and he/she should just forget all about her, starting fresh elsewhere.
As stated before, the girls parents meant well, they were only doing what they were taught from a young age to do. Luckily, they have matured since then and no longer use emotional abandonment to get their way, guilt is now the weapon of choice. The girl is struggling not to let this fear/pain control her emotions and reactions now. But sometimes, when the nights are extra dark, her surroundings extra quiet... those old ghosts come to disturbs her once again...
Knowing her own background and how she seems to be a bit “thin skinned” when it comes to attention and being in contact with someone, the girl does her best to explain that when she reaches out – she isnt trying to control the other person or get a ‘certain reaction’, sometimes she just needs to know that the other person is still there.
No comments:
Post a Comment