Remaining His slave

More than one master, I suspect, has been enslaved by the beauty who kneels before him. It is one of the excruciating delights of the mastery to expose oneself fully to, and yet skirt, the dangers of the girl's beauty, to keep oneself strong, to draw the absolute fullness of pleasure from her, and yet to resist her wiles, to get everything from her, and yet to keep her on her knees, completely.
~ Slave Girl of Gor

What does he do with this girl? Knows that her heart longs for Him to remain in the Master role, yet what if His feelings for the girl do overshadow those firm boundaries? The girl knows, confidently, that she desires an Owner, Master, Jarl, not a lover. The girl aches to be pleasing, strives to be at her best level, and burns to serve Another. Boundaries, guidance, strength, and control fuel those feelings. Where there is a time and place for gentleness, tenderness, and lovey-dovey whispers; it isn’t something for every moment of the interaction.

The girl needs to be pushed, so that she may grow not only in her slavery but in her knowledge of what will please Him and how to serve Him. She longs to remain in her place as slave to Him, but He must remain in the position of Master/Daddy/Jarl to her. This one doesn't want to be in charge, she doesn't want to be in control, she doesn't want to manipulate or have that power over Him. A girl wishes to obey, to surrender, to be controlled, desires to yield to Him and His desires. Not the other way around. Girl has meet those, both online and offline who allow their slaves to be in control. Basing His own actions on her response, "she doesn't like it when I do this or that." "She disobeyed but loves me so I take it easy on her, she said she was sorry so why punish her?" Who is in charge in that relationship? Clearly, not the 'Master'. This one isn't saying it is right or wrong, only that it isn't for her.

However for the relationship to truly work, the slave must remain in her place so that the Master can remain in His. Keeping in mind where her place is, even when expression her thoughts or preferences (with His permission of course) doing it in a manner that will still be pleasing. Once she goes about making her own choices, decisions, and throwing tantrums ~ there is no way that He can master her then because she has removed herself from the slave role. Then again, this is a topic that girl has posted about previously. Not sure which should happen first, His mastery or her surrender, but both must be present for the relationship to work... Otherwise both are at fault.

Meeting Master Wolf

Earlier this afternoon, a girl was allowed to meet Master Wolf and His princess. At first, this one was so nervous she could not sit still! But as We began talking, she realized They are the same People that girl had been talking with. It was so nice to spend time with Them. To be honest, after the nerves melted away, it felt very natural for this girl.

One looks forward to learning more of Them and perhaps meeting again in the future.

Little girl

For many people, the little girl dynamic of power exchange is role play. For this girl, it is very much part of her heart, personality, and spirit. Even through everything this one has been through along this path, her heart has a certain amount of innocence to it. There is the belief that Daddy can fix anything, that His approval is the best thing, and that each brings new opportunities to discover how to please Him.

For many, the role play aspects are fun, exciting, taboo, and erotic. Its a game that can begin and end at a moments notice. The time playing can be emotional, sexual, or filled with discipline. However long it lasts, both people enjoy the game. However, for this girl, its anything BUT role play.

In a way, this girl isn't being fair in her expectations of a Partner. Then again, what Man would pass up the opportunity to be a girl's Hero. Righter of the wrongs, able to give balance to her world with a whisper. Or knowing the touch of His hand can vanish bad dreams and bring a sense of peace to a little girl afraid of the dark.

Yes, I am an adult. No, I was not molested or abused as a child. I was blessed with a good childhood. I am a capable adult who is successful. But I have some emotional needs that are best expressed as a little girl, I don't know how to express it. I just feel it. Its as much of a natural part of who I am as my eye color. I cannot stop that little girl from emerging no more than I can quit being female or stop being submissive.

I can't explain it any other way. Its something you either understand or don't. But as long as Daddy does, everything will be ok.

Love?

Hollywood often depicts love as this amazing intense connection between two people that is not only life changing but affirming. Two movies I have been thinking about are 'Titanic and 'Becoming Jane'. The heroines have two different outlooks on life and love.

In 'Titanic', Rose was from a wealthy family and Jack was a penniless drifter. Rose gave up everything for Jack. She even leaps from the lifeboat back onto the sinking ship just to be with him. She didn't care that the had no money or ability to make ends meet. Its like they both know that love will be enough to survive on. Once returning to land, she took his name and completely left everything of her previous life behind.

In 'Becoming Jane', Jane was the headstrong outspoken daughter of a poor minister. A rebellious young man, who needs to please his uncle in order to get his allowance, comes to town for the summer. They argue, debate, and fall in love. Of course, neither family approves of the other but they don't care. Not to ruin the movies ending, but Jane is realistic and tells him that love alone will not buy food or ensure survival. Of course Tom disagrees - but cannot change her mind. They do not marry, she never married but he did. You could tell she loved him to the end.

I tend to be like Jane in that I think things through - too much. I agree with her decision but wish that he would have waited, saved money and gone back to her to show her how it would work. Then again a haven't met Someone that I shared the passion that Rose and Jack had. Pixie is very much like Rose and maybe I've seen her go down with the ship one too many times.

I do hope to meet that special One that I would leap from the life raft onto the sinking boat for... just for one more kiss.... one more embrace....

Home Sweet Home

A girl hasn't been feeling well, and was emotionally exhausted. Daddy encouraged me to go home and rest. I'm so glad I obeyed because I woke up with a nasty sinus chest thing. This girl ended up working Wednesday morning till. Thursday evening with no sleep. Girls body doesn't handle it well as she gets older. Haha. Plus it upsets my fibro too but my allergies kick my ass too! That's how I have always known that I need to slow down and rest.

My Friends are out of town visiting His second slave and her new job environment. I hope it goes really well and is positive. I know that she needs time with Them both. I hope that she can become more grounded in her slavery to Him and develop a bond with her sister in service.

A slaves surrender

Bottoms have appetites that are their own, whereas slaves' needs become the same as those of the Master. ~Guy Baldwin

So many discuss the difference between bottoms, submissives, and slaves. I think that this quote defines the strongest contrasts. Bottoms are compliant for the moment, giving up control for a defined amount of time for a certain activity. Submissives may not set the guidelines as strongly as a bottom, but there are still agreed upon limits, boundaries, and situations that define their docile behavior. Slaves, on the other hand, once they surrender control it is absolute, in all areas.

I used to think that the needs of the slave and right Master would magically align like some cosmic sign that proved they were right together. However, as I have matured within my slavery, I now know that a slave selects a Master whose thoughts are similar to her own, not only so that they will be more compatible but so that when she surrenders her own desires for His, her needs will still be met.

Along my journey, some ideas have been cemented within my soul. I know that I need unconditional mastery. I know that I need to be able to relinquish control completely. I know that I need the dynamics of a Dad/daughter relationship. So the trick will be, for me to find the right One that has those needs, but from the other side of the coin. This way, by meeting His needs I am also ensuring my own are taken care of.

I love the word 'surrender'. What I long to do is much more than submit, I truly desire to yield to Him... His desires... His pleasure... His needs. Embracing them as though they are my own.

Fear

'Come to the edge', he said.
She said, 'I am afraid'.
'Come to the edge', he said.
She came.
He pushed them...
And she flew.

~Guillaume Apollinaire

This has always been a favorite quote of mine, hearing it first years and years ago when first finding power exchange relationships. I don’t think this is a literal cliff, of course, more of that emotional place blocked by fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of additional pain. Fear of loss. Fear of being displeasing. There are so many things that can block the path of happiness, fulfillment, and joy. The reasons always seem justified at the time, because the fear is so great that you cannot see the forest for the trees. But, once overcome, so petty.

The actual act of overcoming a fear is something very personal and private, something each must do for herself. There is nothing anyone can do to help us through it, except perhaps the promise of something amazing on the other side. Then again, that isn't guaranteed, so we must overcome things for ourselves. As that is all we can truly count on in the long run.

However, this quote touches a girls heart because it speaks of a bond so strong, a desire to obey so great, that perhaps we can be lead through the fear to the other side. Even so, before He could push her into flight, she had to take that blind step forward. Maybe that is the hardest part, that first trusting step on absolute faith. Faith that what is to come, is not only greater than the thing we fear, but worth the pain of setting ourselves free of that emotional bondage.

Its not easy. But when is something worth having, worth doing, ever been easy?

Pleasing Him

When you think night and day and every moment only of pleasing me, things will
be very easy for you. ~ Anne Rice

The first thought should be about what is pleasing to Him.

"What will Master desire from this girl?"

"What would make Daddy happy?"

"What will please Him?"

These thoughts should be primary, as a map key to help along the journey of service. Is it really that simple? Yes.

So many over think everything to the point of trying to manipulate Him in some fashion, maybe not on purpose but it doesn’t make it less controlling. Others attempt to emotionally blackmail Him into doing this or not doing that, using her responses to control Him. "Topping from the bottom" -- how I hate those words!

I think this is what I like about Gor. Absolute power exchange is just that, absolute. There is no gray area, it is black and white. There are things that are a Masters place and things that are a slaves place, and the two do not intertwine. I like the set boundaries and responsibilities, it allows this girl to focus on pleasing Him. It also gives a girl a gauge to know how to make choices decisions and how to conduct herself and her time. Confident that He will handle everything else.

So, the only choice this girl has to make. Is "Will this please Him?"

Slave Contract

I am your servant. I shall not be free. You will protect me; you will keep me safe; you will guard me. You will keep me sound; you will protect me from every demon.

~Ancient Egyptian woman's slave contract


I’ve seen this previously but for some reason this morning it really brings me comfort. I like the thought of keeping my focus on His service, His pleasure, and He will protect me from those things that are scary in the night. I like that He would agree to keep me and keep me safe, allowing me to thrive in His service. What more could a girl ask for?

Looking at these words, thinking of popular vows of commitment, it goes to show that this power exchange dynamic between Man and His woman is very natural. The quote is very close to wedding vows, which is how seriously this girl takes complete surrender to service. I think this contract is on to something...

Topic provided by Sensual Service.

Being Grounded

Last night I slept so well but tonight... serenity will not come. Easily upset and weepy, I know it’s because of my cycle hitting over the weekend and stress of what is coming up. Things today have just been crazy, nothing has gone right this evening and I can't get any time for ... my own peace of mind. I think I just need some 'grounding' -- especially this week. Thursday will be rough, but the worst part will be the two-to-three weeks I will be gone.

What if my Friend forgets all about me? I feel guilty being offline for so long, what will happen to His needs while I am away? What if he forgets all about me? Maybe I should offer Him the break, if He finds another who can be pleasing and available, encourage Him to go for it?

As much as that thought pains me, the thought of Him being without during my absence is worse. It doesn’t mean that when I return, I can’t still spend time with Him. That is, if He will allow it when I return. What normally happens when I go home for a certain period of time, either the One I am interested in takes another slave or changes His mind or gets tired of waiting for me and moves on to someone else. This happens both offline and online. I am not saying that I think I am going to be abandoned again, but I do get a little nervous about it.

Hopefully I will be able to have quality time with Him before then, I need the peace it can bring. As uncertain as I am at how things will go, for right now, I need to admit that I do need time with Him. Just a little more time, His attention is so calming and... and right now I feel like a selfish girl.

I may not have gone where I intended to go,
but I think I have ended up where
I needed to be. ~Douglas Adams

Strong Women

Strong men simply need women. This will never be understood by weak men. A strong man needs a woman at his feet, who is truly his. Anything else is less than his fulfillment. When a man has once eaten of the meat of gods he will never again chew on the straw of fools. ~ Explorers of Gor

Many would argue that "strong woman" and "slave" are antonyms. But in truth, she is the strongest of them all. Accepting the will of Another, over her own. Placing His desires before hers. Embracing His goals for her life and His vision for her needs. Truly surrendering who society wants her to be or what she was brought up to believe, to serve Another. Strong enough to kneel before Him, laying those dreams at His feet with the trust that He will not only meet her needs but guide her into this amazing version of herself. Some would say that a woman who relinquishes control is weak and unable to handle herself, but to truly obey takes ultimate self-determination and strict self-discipline.

I would think that after having a truly submissive, slave-hearted woman at His feet, a man could not go back to vanilla bitches or submissive princesses. How can He sample the absolute devotion of one focused on pleasing Him and then go back to splitting hairs with someone who fights for control? During my experiences, I have had so many Ex-s return with the hopes of rekindling because future girls have fell short of the burn I possess to serve. This doesn’t make me unique, as there are other slaves this girl has met who ignite her own fires within because their own flames burn untamed.

Yes I am a strong woman. I have a strong will. I have concrete ideas of who I am, what I want, and what I need. I am passionate, intelligent, funny, and capable. Does that make me a non-slave? I don’t think so. It just means that I am in search of a Man who is stronger, experienced, equally passionate, and even more efficient than me. Someone who can teach me, lead me, shield me from some things, while exposing me to many delicious others. Will just “any man” make the cut? No, not even close. Does this make me vain? No, I’m not shallow. I just want someone who is ‘Man enough’ for me, because I am one hell of a woman. And it does not make me any less submissive or slave-like to be able to admit that. After all, I will become His property, His possession, His girl... and I want Him to be able to be proud of me. I want to ensure that His property stays safe until He claims it for Himself.

This may not be my most modest post, and my sincerest hope is that it doesn’t come across as condescending or superior. But this is a topic near and dear to my heart.

Yes, I am simply a slave.
Yes I will become His property.
Yes He will do with me what He sees fit at His whim.

And yes, I am a very strong woman...
in need of a much stronger Man.

I feel like I am not able to communicate exactly what I am trying to in this entry. Perhaps I should strike it to the trash and try again, or perhaps I shouldn’t share my thoughts at all. I am not trying to be holier than anyone. I am a confident girl but it doesn’t make me any less of a slave. Yes my focus will be on my Master and pleasing Him, but it doesn't change the fact that I have a healthy sense of self right now. Shouldn't a girl have a good sense of self? How can she truly surrender to someone else if she doesn’t know who she is or anything about herself other than she likes "kinky sex"?

Got Milk

Picture provided by TitMilker's Blog.

I have had a secret interest in forced lactation. I've talked with Pixie while she has participated in it and I've always wanted to try it. The thoughts of my breasts swelling up and firming up even more, filling with milk for His use, His taste, His pleasure. Oh wow. Even now, thinking of providing milk for His morning coffee makes my cheeks flame and my heart race. Of course I also think of the romantic side of it, those stolen moments with Him during the day to pump. Either with Him in person or on the phone, His voice walking me through the pumping... as my body obeys His command.

I'm a bit surprised to be blogging on this, as it isn't something I share with many. However, a new Friend and I have discussed it some recently and... now I can't get it out of my mind. I think on some level, it is a symbol of my commitment and obedience to my Master, physically changing my body for His pleasure. But also His commitment and mastery over me -- because it isn't a decision to take lightly. It must be continued every day at the same time, to ensure that the body responds correctly and properly. Otherwise, it can hurt a lot! I don't like how the nipple looks in suction, but the thought of being milked for Him...

*Him in this entry is fictional for future Master.

Destiny

A lot of things going through a girl’s mind this morning. Questions, uncertainties, and doubts are keeping the girl awake. Having to repeat some health tests that didn’t go well have made a girl nervous, work is piling up and things aren’t going very well. Nightmares are coming back so sleep isn’t coming as easily. Making of new F/friends have given new thoughts to the equation, everything is just mixing right now in my mind and simmering.

So much is going on, yet everything is at a stand-still.

One thing is always true, and I should find comfort in the fact that...

Destiny always gets her own way.

Open to Him

A slave girl is not permitted to conceal anything from her master. She is His. She must be completely open to Him,
in all ways, and at all times.
~Hunters of Gor

I like the thought of having no secrets from Him. A Man knowing me so well, my fears, my desires, my hopes, my needs, my likes, and everything... because knowing this girl is THAT important to Him. Of course the girl is His property, but also one of His most treasured possessions, one He chooses to know inside and out, forward and backwards, like an extension of His body.


A girl strives to learn of His preferences, His likes, His dislikes, in an intense need to be more pleasing to Him in as many ways as possible. The thought that He would long to know her the same way, is amazing and something that blows a girl's mind!


This girl longs for the One who wishes to know her completely, thoughts, fears, desires, dreams, everything... That would be complete acceptance, complete Ownership.

The Feminine Mystique

It is easier to live through someone else than to become complete yourself.
~Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique

the burn

What is to give light must endure the burning.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Candles are so interesting. Just the smallest flame can illuminate the deepest dark, the rhythmic flicker of the fire so alluring and calls to this girl on a very deep level. Some people would say the wax is what fuels the candle’s burn, but after some reason a girl learned that the wick is made from a special material. The wick is naturally absorbent, like a towel, or it needs to have a strong capillary action to burn within the candle. The reason the wick does not burn is because the vaporizing wax cools the exposed wick and protects it.

This brought a girl’s thoughts around to slavery and the burn within to be of Another’s service. Perhaps the same can be said for the power exchange between the two, she must be absorbent to His will, open to His control, and willing to burn hotly to release His light. A girl hopes that the right One would not only protect this girls slavery but keep her safe while she burns brightly for Him. Along a girl’s journey, she has heard many references to the burn within to please Another. She has indicated that she has this drive about herself to be of service. Popular belief now is that to truly become enslaved to another, you must be fueled by this strive for His pleasure. Although this is a solid transition of power, an absolute show of devotion... there must be give and take. The wick will quickly burn itself out with out the protection of the wax, and the wax cannot mold the candle without the burn.

Hopes that this makes some sense as a girl is rambling and trying to make order of chaotic thought.

How a Candle works?
Special thanks to Sensual Service for the Journal Prompt

A slave

Co-existing Within

Two girls thrive within, both very similar and both very different.

The little girl needs to be allowed to play, test her boundaries and be comforted.

The slave within needs to be lured from her hiding place, held in close disciplines.

Both girls desire different things when it comes to a Man.

One needs a Daddy who will keep her safe in the dark.

One needs a Master who isn't afraid to treat her like a woman, His woman.

Both longing to be His.

His woman.

His little girl.

His slave.

Can both girls serve the same Man?

Can the same Man own, control, and love both girls?

Will one have to sacrifice her needs in order to make the other happy?

Educating Herself

"You, yourself," I said, "the girl, herself, eager to please, imaginative and intelligent, monitoring her own performances and feelings, striving lovingly to improve and refine them. You yourself will be largely responsible for making yourself the superb slave you will become."

~Savages of Gor pg 210

Even though a Master guides and teaches, it is truly up to the girl herself to take it all in and make the changes He is suggesting. If it is not in the girl's heart to improve and change for the better, the Master is only wasting his breath. Yes this girl wants to improve, she wants to learn to be more pleasing. A girl aches to learn how to be more pleasing and open to the preferences of an Owner.

Another thing girl likes about this quote is that it shows a girl can continue to grow and learn of her slavery on her own, if she has the ability to use self-awareness and mold herself into the kind of girl she feels she can become...