I belong to me

Its been a rough week or so at work and tonight, too much on my mind to sleep... so I started watching a few different music videos on youtube. Normally I'm not a huge Jessica Simpson fan, but I stumbled across this song/video. It brings tears and seems to... something about it truly connects to my heart right now. The words are beautiful and inspiring and the music is an easy beat to let go to... The thing is, it is contradictory to the true desires of my heart... I think.

As a submissive with slave tendencies, I do have a deep desire to belong to Someone who not only can mold me but also master me. But, while I am single, I am truly doing my best to take care of myself, take responsibility for my own choices/consequences, and I don't want to have to totally lose myself in a relationship anymore... While a dominant man will mold me to what pleases Him, I still want to be me... I still need to be me. I learned the hard way, a long time ago, that until I give myself to someone else... I do belong to me.

This post may not make much sense, especially shared so quickly after some of my other entries... but maybe its because I'm very lost right now.

This song, these lyrics, touched me too deeply for me not to share.

I belong to me

Sung by Jessica Simpson

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you, baby

It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to, baby

And I won't give up me to be part of you

It's not that I don't want to have you in my life, baby

It's just you gotta know that it's got to be right, baby

Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me

I complete myself

Nobody's got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me

I don't belong to you

My heart is my possession

I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me

I'm one, not half of two

And if you're gonna love me

You should know this, baby

That I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in, baby

That who I am is not about who I am with, baby

That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you, I do

I don't need somebody to complete me

I want you to know

I'll give all my love but I'm not givin' all my soul

I belong to me

I don't belong to you

My heart is my possession

I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me

I'm one, not half of two

And if you're gonna love me

You should know this, baby

That I belong to me

Love don't mean changin' who you are

To be who somebody wants you to be

Nobody's got to belong to nobody

I belong to me

I don't belong to you

My heart is my possession

I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me

I don't belong to you

My heart is my possession

I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me

I'm one, not half of two

And if you're gonna love me

You should know this, baby

That I belong to me

Scammers

AACCHOO!!!

٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶

If you're

allergic to bullcrap, drama,

head games, liars, & fake people,

keep this sneeze going.

Posted on behalf of my Mom.

Madea Gives Relationship Advice

I agree with this video 100%.

I also have a similar view on categorizing people in my life as Madea does here, about people being in my life being part of a tree.

"If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let - them - go!"

"Some people are meant to come into your life for a lifetime, some for only a season and you got to know which is which. And you're always messing up when you mix those seasonal people up with lifetime expectations.

I put everybody that comes into my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. When the wind blows, they're over there... wind blow that way they over here... they're unstable. When the seasons change they wither and die, they're gone. That's alright. Most people are like that, they're not there to do anything but take from the tree and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at people like that, that's who they are. That's all they were put on this earth to be. A leaf.

Some people are like a branch on that tree. You have to be careful with those branches too, cause they'll fool you. They'll make you think they're a good friend and they're real strong but the minute you step out there on them, they'll break and leave you high and dry.

But if you find 2 or 3 people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of that tree you are blessed. Those are the kind of people that aren't going nowhere. They aren't worried about being seen, nobody has to know that they know you, they don't have to know what they're doing for you but if those roots weren't there, that tree couldn't live.

A tree could have a hundred million branches but it only takes a few roots down at the bottom to make sure that tree gets everything it needs. When you get some roots, hold on to them but the rest of it... just let it go. Let folks go."

~ Madea Goes to Jail

Recipe for Ownership

Respect the lady, use and abuse the slut, protect the little girl and you will have the heart, body and soul of a woman.
~Author Unknown

It sounds easy, but it's really not... Yet, at least for me, it is oh so true...

Owning a woman

I know of no pleasure comparable to the pleasure of owning a woman, fully. It is indescribably delicious; it is glorious; it fills one with joy and power; it exalts and fulfills the blood. It teaches a male, in the thunderous currency of intellect and emotion, what is the true meaning of manhood. Compared to it, the gratifications of pretense and denial, the insistence on subverting ones blood and virility in the name of a false manhood conditioned by a demented, antibiological society, are pallid indeed. Let those who can climb mountains climb then; let those who cannot climb them console themselves with denying their existence.
-- Rogue of Gor - Page 81

I'm DONE!

I don't like being sick. I don't want to be sick anymore. Fix it. Find somebody that can make me all better.

I want to be able to go outside and play with my puppy. I want to go see my friends. I want to be able to go to a movie or to swim. I want to be able to drive wherever I want to go, no matter how far away. I want to be able to chase my niece, visit Pixie's little man, go fishing or to a rodeo without any concerns.

I don't want to be tired all the time anymore. I don't want anymore fevers or muscle cramps. I don't want to have problems with my kidneys or migraine headaches. I don't want to worry about getting to hot so I might not get sick... and I don't want to throw up anymore!

I don't want to be sick ever again. I'm all done. Finished. Ka-put.

This is me, putting my foot down. I'm done.

I can't do this all by myself anymore... its too hard... its too much to go through alone.

I don't want to play this game anymore. I want to go home...

It Doesn't Change Anything

What is it about Him that... gets around my walls every time?

He calls me 'His one', He's called me that from the very beginning... Yet He is inconsistent. I'm a little smarter this time, I think. I'm not putting any stock into any of His words... not his promise to make time for me soon... not his statements of how much he has missed me and thought of me...

The fucked up part is that it's been over two years since I have seen Him and I can still feel His hand on me.... There is definitely something between us, always has been... always will be. A spark that I can feel no matter how He contacts me... phone... text... computer... I can't even begin to describe it. I can feel His gaze on me, I can feel His hand in my hair, I can feel His breath on my skin... but it doesn’t change anything. None of it changes anything. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Yes it is very nice to hear and for a minute I let my heart take it in... but it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. It will still be a year before I hear from Him again... and I may never see Him again. That's ok. No it really isn't, but it is... it has to be.

He always says that I am His and He will come for me when the time is right… yet He doesn’t make time for me. A few moments here, an hour there... then eight to ten months later, He shows up again.

Happy Happy Birthday.....

Hear ye! Hear ye! 

I hereby summon the court & carriage.  For there is a Birthday  to celebrate!! 

It is for my bestest bestest friend and sister in the world!!

There is no doubt....

Ever since, we met that day,
On that rock, over yonder in the Milky Way.
Our friendship blossomed, like a rose...
We suddenly became, very close.

Trust and support; mutually rely,
Lessons learned, we did apply.
Experiences taught, courses on life,
Mistakes were often, common and rife.

Looking back makes me smile,
You’ve always displayed, plenty of style.
On this day, when you were born,
The sky was filled, with stars adorn.


I’m wishing you another year
Of laughter, joy and fun,
Surprises, love and happiness,
And when your birthday’s done,I hope you feel deep in your heart,
As your birthdays come and go,
How very much you mean to me,
More than you can know. 

 

31 Reasons Why I Rock

1. I am cute as hell.

2. I am honest with myself and others.

3. I am sweet and funny, but not a fool.

4. I am a genuinely nice girl, I sincerely want to help others.

5. I have a good personality.

6. I am creative.

7. I am intelligent.

8. I am sarcastic and have a quick witt.

9. I am loyal to my priorities.

10. I am a good Mommy to my Puppy.

11. I have an authentic heart.

12. I take care of my skin so it is fair, soft, and smooth as silk.

13. I take care of my feet, painted toes always make the day go by easier.

14. I am comfortable in my own skin.

15. I am a Girl Scout, and I earned my Gold Award (equivalent of the Boy Scout’s Eagle Scout).

16. I am passionate.

17. I take care of those that mean the most to me, at work and at home with my family.

18. I have a very spoiled but oh so happy puppy.

19. I can swim like a fish and find such peace in the water!

20. I am trained in extensive wound care, for a civilian.

21. I have been educated to have excellent communication skills in listening, writing, and verbal communication. I am also able to read body language and tone inflection.

22. I am resilient and have overcome many adversaries.

23. I take care of my family and friends, there is nothing I will not do for those I love.

24. I am blessed with a job that I enjoy and am good at doing.

25. I have a committed work ethic.

26. I get lost in movies, to the point that it is a mini-vacation.

27. I don’t do anything half-assed, I give 150%!

28. I am a kick-ass colorer!

29. I have a great rack and an oh so cute ass!

30. I am a fibromyalgia/lupus survivor! Chronic illness may slow me down from time to time but it will not stop me.

31. Because today is my birthday and 31 will be even better than 30!

No Secrets

I had nothing to conceal, nothing to keep secret.
I belonged to my master,
all of me,
my thoughts, my love, my body,
everything I was and could be!
- John Norman, Dancer of Gor

I hope for this one day... with the right One... who desires to know about me as much as I would wish to learn about Him... Or is this a feminine fairy tale? Do Men like that, Masters like that, truly exist?

I believe that I am an interesting person even if someone else doesn’t think so. I don’t desire someone to hang on my every word, but I cannot help this intense ache for mastery and surrender... But I need to know that He demands that level of honesty... maybe He needs to know those things to know the best way to maintain control of me? :-/

Is it wrong to hope for the One who will demand all of me, not just bits and pieces of me?

Fibro Flare

Today was a difficult fibromyalgia day. I'm not feeling well, my entire body hurts, I am running a fever, I cannot get comfortable so sleep is out of the question, and my joints are burning because they are so swollen. Thank you Pixie for listening, your support during these times is what helps me make it through to the next morning.. where I have hope that the pain will ease and the new day will be much better. :)

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Leo Woman

Leo Woman

July 23 TO August 23

Slogan: I Will, Therefore I am.

GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Leo the celestial lion is the sign that rules the heart. That part of our anatomy in which it is said, many of our highest virtues reside.

The Leo woman is the embodiment of honor loyalty, faithfulness, and trust when at her best, however, she must to take care about her tendency to develop an exaggerated sense of self-importance.

The heart is the centre of the circulatory system, in representation the centre of life and, often the Leo women can feel that she is the centre of every life situation in which she finds himself.

While the immature Leo lion cub can be quite self-cantered and very demanding of the attention of those around her, the mature Leo the lion can act quite differently in that her heart is boundless in its generosity and she is not continually fixated on the focus of her own needs and desires.

Leo also represents the sun and the sun never exhausts its fuel.

The truly caring Leo woman is a person whose sun casts no shadows but burns brightly to bring light, heat, and warmth to everyone and everything around her.

Alternatively, the more self-cantered Leo tends to mistakes her friends for admirers, she uses other people’s creative energy to advance her own purposes, and will give very little of herself but her projected ego.

MONEY & FINANCES:

The Leo woman likes to spend her money in such manner that the results can be seen. She favours flashy clothes, outstanding jewelery and home furnishings, plus, of course very expensive cars.

A wealthy Leo woman will tend to invest in up market art works and artefacts.

She can be very generous with children and friends, will buy special gifts for her loved ones and will, more than likely, be the one to pay the bill in restaurants

A reality in the life of the Leo woman, is to learn that even the wealthiest within this world need to save and conserve some of their income.

RELATIONSHIPS:

A Leo woman is the embodiment of the romantic: the passionate, the poetic, the ardent, and the adoring. Never doubt however, that she expects her love to be returned with the same intensity of enthusiasm, passion and devotion.

More often than not the Leo woman’s love can become somewhat overwhelming and very possessive. While this can be rather flattering initially, over time the Leo girl needs to lean to ease of a bit in order to give her partner a chance recover,

The Leo woman’s pride is always at stake, and no matter how loudly she roar’s, here ego is delicate and fragile.

She is a girl who likes to know that she is being appreciated and, when so, in return she will be incredibly kind and generous.

Any partner to this Leo girl will need to be very strong and, of a somewhat independent nature, otherwise romance within any relationship will become subject to domination by this Leo the lion girl.

People born under the signs of Aries, Sagittarius, and Libra relate well with the Leo woman.

Good friendships can arise with Virgo and Pisces folk but Aquarius, Taurus, and Scorpio can present a challenge

Considerable harmonization will be necessary in any relationships with those of the Cancer or Capricorn sign.