Thursday, November 11, 2010

Honoring Veterans






I was brought up to have great respect and appreciation for our Veterans.  my Dad was very patriotic and brought Grace and myself up to understand that our lives are made possible by thousands of soldiers over the years.  my Paternal Grandfather served.  my Dad was so very proud of him!  I was brought up to offer a humble heartfelt "thank you" to all I meet who have served or are serving...  So many people take for granted the very things that so many have died for...  I find myself doing it, even on collarme or fetlife, when I run across a profile of a current or former soldier, I always write to say thank you.  my Dad taught me to do that... He taught me by example, always going out of his way to help a Veteran.  

For almost two years, I sent care packages overseas to random soldiers.  I got a list of names offline of people who are serving that don't get much mail.  I sent probably thirty packages, anything from beef jerky to music CD's I made to stamps and one time I sent a package of Christmas cards for them to send back home.  I got a few letters of thanks in return, but I didn't do it for that... I did it with my Dad.  But as he got sicker, I couldn't afford it anymore...

As much as I love and respect him, he honored them.  So on these days set aside to pay tribute to those who have sacrificed, not only do I think of them, I miss my Dad.

I won't lie, Pixie's son J is preparing to enter the Marines... and as much as I am praying for his safety and a safe return, I know my Dad is so very proud of him!  Not that I need another reason to be proud of him for his choice... it helps. :) 

 To all that have served or are serving, thank you... so very much for the sacrifices you and your family have made or are making... for me and my family.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Fear


Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering.
~ Yoda

The last few months have been really rough, but the last few years have been hard too because I have let fear take over a very important part of my personality.  I'm tired of always being afraid.  I don't want to be afraid anymore, I'm tired of the suffering that it brings and the trapped feeling that smothers me.  Yes I might get my heart broken, but otherwise I cannot experience love.  Yes I might get my spirit hurt, but otherwise I won't be able to truly serve Another unless I lose my fear of connecting to a Master and opening myself up...  I don't want to be isolated anymore, even at the risk of getting hurt. 

Considering my experiences, a lot of things I always feared have happened.  Losing my Dad, having a serious relationship end, having an intense ownership power exchange end, a best friend passing, getting fired, almost dying myself, having a brush with cancer, nonconsensual sex, being on the angry fist side of a drunk boyfriend, etc... After looking back, what else could I be afraid of that I haven't experienced in some way?

So perhaps the only way to set myself free from being so scared is to just... step forward?  A day at a time, embracing opportunities with no fear.... "No fear" isn't exactly realistic, but perhaps beginning each day with the desire to take changes will be stronger than my fears... to the point of eventually, the darkness of fear is pushed away with the light of life.   

Random thoughts on this cold drizzly Saturday...