Fear

Fear is the path to the dark side.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to suffering.
~ Yoda

The last few months have been really rough, but the last few years have been hard too because I have let fear take over a very important part of my personality.  I'm tired of always being afraid.  I don't want to be afraid anymore, I'm tired of the suffering that it brings and the trapped feeling that smothers me.  Yes I might get my heart broken, but otherwise I cannot experience love.  Yes I might get my spirit hurt, but otherwise I won't be able to truly serve Another unless I lose my fear of connecting to a Master and opening myself up...  I don't want to be isolated anymore, even at the risk of getting hurt. 

Considering my experiences, a lot of things I always feared have happened.  Losing my Dad, having a serious relationship end, having an intense ownership power exchange end, a best friend passing, getting fired, almost dying myself, having a brush with cancer, nonconsensual sex, being on the angry fist side of a drunk boyfriend, etc... After looking back, what else could I be afraid of that I haven't experienced in some way?

So perhaps the only way to set myself free from being so scared is to just... step forward?  A day at a time, embracing opportunities with no fear.... "No fear" isn't exactly realistic, but perhaps beginning each day with the desire to take changes will be stronger than my fears... to the point of eventually, the darkness of fear is pushed away with the light of life.   

Random thoughts on this cold drizzly Saturday...