Service through the Fog

How does illness affect your service?
How do you handle it’s effects?

As I have stated before, I have fibromyalgia. Not only are parts of my body more sensitive to touch/pain with fibro, but I sweat like a whore in Church sometimes. It limits the positions I can assume and how long I can remain still in them. I tend to push myself too much when I am feeling good, and the exertion causes more pain, which limits what I can do. It is a vicious cycle. During rough days, the pain is so great that I can barely make my way from the bed to the bathroom and back, so on those days I would feel completely useless to a Master. I haven’t experienced S/m service with the fibro, so I am unsure how my body will respond to it.

The little girl within is very protective over my heart; she tends to speak out when the fibro flares up. Maybe I just slip into that mind-set because to me, the little girl does need to be cared for by Daddy so it is how I give myself permission to "need" more of His attention and guardianship. But the slave, who tends to be raw anyway, is sent running when the fibro flares up. She is so afraid of failing and being a major disappointment to Master, withdrawing in case He decides she is no longer worthy or able to serve Him... and abandons her to seek out another.

To be completely honest, part of me is very scared that it will be too much for Anyone to work around... in a power exchange relationship, it would seem that the fibro would be in charge moreso than the Master. However, one could argue that with the structure and guidance that a Master who is educated on fibromyalgia could provide, He would be able to manage the condition so that I could serve him to the best of my abilities.

I hope that the One who desires me as His, who wants me as His, who will take me as His... will want me completely. Learning to guide me through the fibro land-mines as well as master my heart, mind, and body.

Topic provided by SensualService.