Creating Oneself

There's no reality except the one contained within us. That's why so many people live an unreal life. They take images outside them for reality and
never allow the world within them to assert itself.
~Hermann Hesse

I think that we all go through periods of not feeling ‘like ourselves’. And there isn’t anything really wrong with that, unless we give up on ‘creating ourselves’. I don’t think that anyone is already formed, exactly how they will be, so that all they have to do is exist to be the person they want to be... I hear so many people that have given up, because “this isn’t who I wanted to be”... then change it! That power lies in our own hands and we can shift who we are, to what/who we want to become. It isn’t easy... but life isn’t supposed to be easy.

So that is my . . . mindset lately, trying to shift who I am now into who I want to be. I don’t like that I am a bit harsh at times, a bitch at other times, and so jaded by my experiences that I don’t believe in natural goodness or the ability of love to heal all things. As much as I want to say that I believe in those things, I don’t think I do anymore. But I want to.

I am in the process of putting my family first again, after God of course. . . but not at the price of putting myself last anymore. I’m trying to listen to my heart on what I desire, sort out my needs by level of importance so I will know what I can compromise on... I’m reorganizing everything. I want to put my fears away, transfer my confidence back to the front, and try to release my negativity so that I stop hiding.

I’m not saying that any of these things will change anything at all, but... I think it will be easier for me to find happiness once I am happy with myself.

Because in my new reality, I’m important too. :)