I just got it.
I am not a submissive, not deep down. I am a slave. I can only ask His forgiveness for my actions up to this point, the constant begging and fight against His request and my own desires. I didn’t realize that by asking for release, I was questioning His control. I get that now.
It’s not enough to say that I want to please Him. It’s not enough to say that I want to serve Him. I don’t obey only when it is convenient to me, I obey to serve and please Him. I have bitched, moaned, cried, cursed, gotten angry and begged for time and attention... yet I have not had release without His permission.
I don’t want to be manipulative and I try so hard not to be. I don’t think that I am but I can see where I could be. But honest it isn’t on purpose.
Sir, I am so very sorry that I have fought You for control. I truly do wish to please You, serve You.
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