I was watching an episode of 'United States of Tara', a show about a woman who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) (used to be called multiple personalities). At first, I watched because I love Toni Collette but I have fallen in love with the main character Tara, played by Collette. I have been able to relate with Tara in some way, but never realized how or why... until last night. (No I am not saying that I have DID!) But in some way, I tend to see the parts of me as different personalities... Often I have talked about the little girl, the slave, the submissive, and my vanilla side... When one of those roles takes over, it feels as though the 'thinking vanilla' side of me has little control. Its like those needs overwhelm me and everything changes in my world for that time period.
Strada used to tell me that my vanilla self and my submissive self were two sides of the same coin, and while that helped me find peace with my changing needs then... that advice has come back to me with this episode and makes much more sense now. He did help me see that I needed to begin to think of myself as an integrated person, not just someone with a bunch of loose ends. Thank you for that, Sir!
Anyway, the light came on when I was watching that episode. I want to learn to love all of me again, not shun this part or that part because she -- because I am "to needy".
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