Dismemberment

I have a lot going on in my head lately, there are so many decisions that I have to make. . . and soon. There are some medical issues going on in regards to my fibromyalgia/lupus, a specialist feels that an unusual surgery may help things in the long run. Of course I am terrified of going under the knife for anything, but this procedure has honest to goodness risks. Even though the doctors believe it may help in the long run, it’s a greater risk in the beginning. If I actually survived through the surgery, the chances of infection is extremely high. Having the lupus/fibromyalgia combo, my body doesn’t fight off infections well. . . so that will be very tricky. If I make it through everything, then eventually I may see a chance in my pain levels.

There is another couple of things that make work, if done all together. Yes the chances of this are low, but I’d much rather give these new things a try than to make that much of a gamble. Its been a very difficult decision to make, and unfortunately my support system seems to have . . . had other things going on. I cannot and do not expect anyone to be at my beck-n-call, but it would have been nice to talk this thing out with someone. . . It just made me feel very alone, but. . . I am the only one who can go through it.