Deep Breath...

This time, I know I gave 110%, I guess he just... changed his mind afterall. Which is His right to do so. I opened up to DaddyBear, like I haven't truly opened up in years. I was brutally honest about myself, the good things bad things and was even honest about the things that I normally try to draw attention away from. He knew of my fears, my intense needs, my deepest secrets, and even the details of my fibromyalgia. I still don't understand how someone can take that level of interest, be that available and one day just... become completely unresponsive. No calls. No emails. Nothing. I should be used to this by now, eh? I should have known, my gut knew that something wasn't right... I just wanted so badly... to be wanted. His level of interest -- not only in me but my thoughts, everything... I know that I don't need validation or approval, but... it was nice while it lasted.

Lets say for a second that He comes back, piss-pour excuses about getting behind in his bills, having to split his attentions -- bullshit. It doesn't matter. I made Him a priority while he kept me as an option.

This song isn't for him, its for me... Because it was ok that I opened up, confided in him, brought him close to my heart. Its ok that he couldn't handle it or something equally lame, but I was the 'me' I remember... before the pain and nightmares, the girl who truly believed that love is real and is stronger than any horrible memory and that Daddy could fix everything with a whisper or a touch... I've missed her, and I want to be that girl again.

Almost Lover
Sung by A Fine Frenzy

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

[Chorus]
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

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