Security or Stability

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. -- Helen Keller

Some days, this quote is inspiring. Other days, it mocks me. Stability is something I crave from the very bottom of my soul. Is that the same as security? I’m not speaking of physical security like a body guard, but perhaps an emotional one. I know that we aren’t promised tomorrow. I am aware that no one knows the future. I am not asking for a dozen promises of intention, I just... need the stability of consistency. And as much as this is going to make me sound clingy, needy, desperate, or pathetic, I need the stability of communication. Not a dozen times a day, but at least once a day.

My parents told me when I was much younger, that if a Person truly cares for another, knowing that we are not promised tomorrow - He can’t imagine NOT contacting her each day... In case it’s the last day he has that chance. And that’s what I want. I don’t want someone to call/text/email because I want him too or I make him – but because He can’t imagine NOT taking a moment to tell me He is thinking of me. Its three minutes out of his whole 24-hour day and to be honest, I don’t think that’s asking something outrageous.

Does this make me less than a slave? Does this mean I am manipulative and controlling, demanding that He contact me whether he wants to or not? Not at all! This is me being absolutely honest about the emotional needs and how I see communication. Someone can either contact me or not, I want no control of that. But if He truly understood how it affected me, I would hope he wouldn’t want to inflict that negative response on me, or perhaps He would think the same way. I don’t think it makes me less of a slave, but more of one. Because this is my Achilles heel, and a way that would cement His control over me...