Thanksgiving 09

This year for Thanksgiving, I want to look back on 2009 and turn negative experiences into positive aspects that have improved my year. So here goes.

1. I was wrongly terminated and kicked out of my apartment in January. But it gave me an opportunity to move back home, get to know my family again, and find a job that I truly enjoy. I also have more free time and am able to relax more often, which allows my fibromyalgia to remain managable.
   
2. In February I developed severe bacterial pneumonia and was hospitalized for a week, almost died (literally) from three days with a 104* fever. Yet it reminded me how precious that life is and that I truly need to listen to my own heart, my own gut, and begin thinking of what is best for me again... I started thinking about what I need in relationships as well as in friendships... And that has made a big difference for me. I feel more free and less in the control of my past experiences.
   
3. I spent the summer breaking my back, taking care of my Dad. Keeping his secret of physical aggression, not telling anyone about the abuse he dished out to us... The physical attack wasn't near as bad as the emotional and mental assault... But now I know that I am strong enough to do what needs to be done, and stubborn enough to keep at it until Someone gets the care that he/she needs to get better. Plus I feel that I understand my desire for a Daddy/Master aspect Partner/dyanamic.
   
4. I've had my heart broken, but now I know more about what I am looking for. I always knew the ultimate 'no-no's that I would not tolerate, but I have learned new things that i do not want to compromise on. A relationship would be nice, but there are certain assurances that I must have before I can surrender completely.
   
5. I am continueing to listen to my body and trying to focus more on obeying the physical needs that I have instead of putting myself on the backburner to care for others. If someone truly cares about me, not only will he/she want what is best for me but he/she will want me to care for myself in the way that I need to have less pain.

Wishing everyone a very safe and
Happy Spanksgiving!

(<-- one thing I desired that I have yet to experience this year. Though there is always a month left to hope!) ;-)