Vulnerability

Reading this literally brought tears to my eyes tonight... This man is able to put feelings into words that I can't even... identify for myself... let along share them with anyone else... He truly has a gift and I am very thankful He allows me to share His words here.  Even though it happens time after time, I am in shock how closely his thoughts mirror my own. 

I must confess, this one... truly speaks to my heart and soul tonight... 

Vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s about showing me the most private pieces of yourself, and that doesn’t make you weak. You’re still as strong as you’ve ever been. To me, you’re stronger.  

You protect yourself; you have to. There are people out there in the big bad world who would leap at the chance to tear you down, throw your face in the mud and make you breathe it. Who would make your life a nightmare, if they were given half the chance. So you hide your vulnerable parts away, like any sensible person would, along with your insecurities, your neurosis, and your little shames.  

But you lose something, when you do that. You spend so much effort locking these things away, these things you want to have out there, because they make you you, and it’s exhausting. You’re exhausted. You’ve been hiding these things away for so long, that you aren’t even sure that you know how to find them again. You just hope you marked the spot with a twenty foot X.  

 It’s ok. I've got a treasure map. I can find them for you, bring them out, and let you take your guard down, dissemble all those walls and just enjoy the open air for a moment. I’ll watch the door, make sure no one else comes in and sees them, I promise. It’ll just be me, me and your vulnerabilities. Your idiosyncrasies, your insecurities, and your little shames. I love your little shames.  

That’s what I’m here for, after all. To make you at ease, to make you comfortable enough to bring those things bubbling back to the surface, because they’ve been submerged for so very, very long. I’m your moat, your drawbridge, your castle walls. I keep the worst out, so you can get rid of all the bullshit that you have to use to protect yourself. That’s me. That’s what I’m for.

-By My Trousers Rolled, on tumblr.

Look at Me

These moments are always the hardest for me... Not the bondage, or the exposure of flesh, but the moment where He tells me to look at Him... The command to meet His gaze. 


When I am connected with someone, eye contact is hard for me. But in this setting, my features completely unguarded and vulnerabilities presented before Him like a wanton display. 


But He would know that about me. He would know that the slow caress of the cold cuffs over each wrist, the sound of them securing my ankles - He would know those things make my heart race, my breath catch, and the neediest dirtiest sluttiest thoughts fill my mind... Telling me - at that moment - at that desperately whoreishly completely exposed to my sickest fantasies moment - to meet His gaze... 


It's almost too much... Yet... when He feeds on that part of me... It's not enough, because in that second that I meet His gaze - I can't help but offer everything up to His appetite.

Not for you

Those ropes aren’t for you, you kinky tart. 


 They’re not so that you can feel your legs clamp together as the power is slowly taken away from you, each knot another nail in the coffin of your freedom, battening down the hatches so that nothing gets out. 


 They’re not so that you moan and whine, beg and plead, so that you can just get what you want. You don’t want that. I know you. The last thing on earth you want is what you want. You’re a ridiculous, perverted little paradox. 


 No, the ropes are so you don’t get in my fucking way when I’m doing all the depraved things my mind has spent the last 24 hours thinking up. 


They’re so you don’t leave those grooves down my back where your nails trace lines when your silly little head can’t think of anything but the word ‘Fuck’ in sixty foot high neon letters. 


 They’re so you can’t cover anything up, because despite how adorable it is, and how much it shows me that there’s still a shred of decency within you that feels shame and embarrassment at dignity being stripped away, they’re only going to get in my way. 


 Your hands are just one more little speedbump on the way to completely having my way with you, and I’d rather have a smooth ride.

-written by by My Trousers Rolled, on tumblr.

Undisclosed Desires

 

Undisclosed Desires

Sung by Muse

I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing

I'll make you feel pure

Trust me

You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me

Show me how it's done

Tease me

You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Please me

Show me how it's done

Trust me

You are the one

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognise your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

Tumblr Deliciousness

In a fibro flare, so not able to type much... 


Browsing through tumblr I found the following pictures.


You know me, my mouth started watering.. .  

Then my thoughts went to being leashed... marked as His... His owned girl... 

I think my favorite way of being leashed is at my wrist....  In the past, wearing a collar has felt very claustrophobic.  Maybe it was a symptom of the relationship that came forward when I wore the collar... then again, I don't like anything other than His Hand around my throat.  The symbolism of it - I love, just wish there was another way to execute it. lol

Now that's a mouthful!

I want to learn to do this!!  
The throat fucking, not the 
swallowing at the end. :) 

creamy goodness

Lately I can't get this off my mind... 

It's something completely new to me, 

yet I can't get it off my mind... 

And I don't care for donuts....

Annointed...

*Note: This is not me.  Will credit the artist/people soon as I can find that info.*

Not sure there is much I can add to this that isn't already well expressed :) 

Oh wait I thought of something!  Lucky bitch.  lol  ;)

Completing me

Do you believe that your owner (or someone else significant to you) completes you, or that you are a complete person on your own? Does it matter to you if the person you serve considers himself/herself complete as a person, or whether they are looking outwardly to others for completeness? ~Submissive Journal Prompts

Thank you Jerry Maguire for the romantic expression, “You complete me.” In theory, that can have a fairy tale feel to the ‘happily ever after’ effect. Realistically, it’s not very healthy. I understand that sometimes it can feel that way when things are smooth and you feel ultra compatible with your partner. But does that mean you are less of a person when you are single or after the relationship dissolves? To believe that would say that now, as a single female, I possess less value than someone in a relationship, no matter how healthy/functional that relationship is. I work full time, I pay my own way through life, I take care of my family, I am a responsible caring citizen... just because I am single does not mean that I am less whole than someone else.


I watched my Dad smother my Mom in their marriage because he grew to be completely dependent on her. I’m terrified of ending up in that position… so perhaps I am a little oversensitive. I’m not one that enjoys the pressures of being someone’s only path to happiness. Yes I would like to find someone who needs me in his life, but because I bring out the best in him not because he can’t take care of himself alone. If I have to work or tend to my family, I cannot handle babysitting someone on top of that too.


I have had a partner in the past who firmly believed that I completed him... to the point of losing responsibility for his own actions when he was away from me. “Well, elana, if you hadn’t have worked that weekend I wouldn’t have cheated.” Excuse me? I thought we were grown adults in a consensual relationship, I didn’t realize that not only do I have to be a cute soft spoken obedient submissive girl to you I also have to be your keeper, mother, and masturbation device? No thank you.


I need a partner. I desire a partner. I need someone who will meet me half way, who can hold up his end of things and allow me to take care of my end of things... until that time comes where I hand that control over to him and trust in his guidance and leadership to ensure everything is the best for both of us. Even then, with my family obligations and responsibilities I will need to be able to take care of things on this end. He has to trust me to be able to dot hat and when I’m tending to those things, I have to be able to trust that he will not be doing things to undermine our position together.


That being said, sometimes I dream of that relationship where my partner can step in and assist me if needed, allowing me to have a moment of vulnerability and weakness with him... no matter what else is going on. I would like to imagine a time when I can be my true self, have moments of being unguarded and allow myself to be emotionally raw and it be ok... feeling like I can truly belong and exist with someone as I am, always striving to be a better person and learning each day... but being able to just ‘be me’ with Him... I think that is the emotional fairy tale part that I hope for. I’m not so sure that kind of person exists anymore... Once upon a time I would have thought differently.


What is that expression... 'Immature love says I love you because I need you. Mature love says I need you because I love you.'  That’s what I want...


Maybe I’m wired wrong, but I need an emotional/intellectual existence outside of a relationship. I don’t want someone to shield me from everything anymore than I want someone who relies on me for everything. Yes I would love to have a relationship that is intensely intimate and emotionally exclusive, but please don’t look for me to hole myself up in a tree after entering this relationship and stop living. So no, please don’t look for me to complete you and please don’t expect to complete me. I do believe in people being able to compliment each other, but complete? Not a chance.

I apologize for the disillusioned perspective of this entry... Not that long ago, I would have written this journal prompt totally different... Perhaps it is the experiences between then and now... perhaps it is the heartache and loss along the way... Please bear with me as I try to find my way back to the way I was before... listening to my heart without the bitter filter of my brain contorting the message.  Thank you, elana

The Woman with You

I have so many hats, obligations, responsibilities, and I have very little time to rest... forget 'me' time or time to blog... I haven't been able to talk to Pixie in days it feels like, if not a week or more... It's not that I mind or am complaining, I'm blessed to have a job I enjoy even if it keeps me busy, a family that loves me, even though I'm exhausted, and a full life... 


Things have been...  But to be able to fit in a few moments alone with Someone special... The only way I know how to communicate it is with this video/song lyrics.



 

The Woman with You by Kenny Chesney

I just wish it could last longer than a few hours...