What to expect...

So a few nights ago I stumbled across this article, What To Expect When Dating A Woman Who’s Been Single For A Long Time, and it made me think about how many of those things are true for me and how these might come into play within a D/s relationship.  The article lists things like she enjoys alone time, she has protective walls in place, and she's not used to having help but she will embrace it.  I think if I were making a list for submissives who have been unowned for a long time...  especially about myself...  I think I would list some of the same things but maybe one or two different ones.

1.  I am not disillusioned or bitter, I am cautious.  No one wants to believe that a functioning D/s relationship is possible in today's world more than I feel it is.  I need to trust you before I submit, surrender is too intimate for me to jump blindly.

2.  As much as I ache to surrender... I'm scared of it.  To quote the article, I've been "keeping my emotions in check" for so long and been protecting myself, taking care of myself, that the walls that I've used to do those things need to come down before I can really let you in... and I know that.  I want that.  But there isn't a match switch that causes them to collapse... and then once the walls are down, I need your guidance to help me reestablish that I'm ok again without those walls... that I can trust you to take care of me while I'm vulnerable.  

3.  I need a certain amount of alone time.  I love to read and have develop ways to self-soothe...  I am uncomfortable being up under someone 24/7 or having someone up under me.  If that is something you desire and we get along well, it will take time to get to that point.  I'm not saying that I don't want any contact, I just need the ability sometimes to read or netflix or blog for a half hour without fifty "wut u doin" texts.


Just a few thoughts... 

hmm...

uh... yes please! 

Intimacy...

I wonder if this is how people always get close: They heal each other's wounds; they repair the broken skin. 

- Lauren Oliver, Pandemonium

I think its more about quietening the other person's demons... a merging of souls so that the broken cracks are now filled with life and hope...  

I've always been super quiet about my romantic side, well except for the times it has came out on this blog... but I find myself thinking about it more and more lately... I don't know if I'm hoping for something like this or using these thoughts to shield myself from those I meet... 

I hate the way that conversations I have now are good at first but then five minutes in, I'm totally bored.  I hate those quiet awkward silences where no matter what topic I bring up the guy says "uh ha yeah, so you're cute."  Or just keep saying "so when can I hold you?"  Uh... if you can't hold a conversation with me for more than five minutes then you aren't going to hold my body anytime soon.  That makes me sound like a total bitch but I just.... I need someone who can capture my attention and that I have his.  


Update: Crazy scattered, sorry!