Thoughts of Attention

Everyone desires some level of attention. I dare to say that almost every domesticated animal wants some kind of attention from his/her Owner. For example, my puppy falls all over herself to get to me when I first get home from work. Anytime I call her to me, she cannot wait to be petted, talked to; she will roll over and just drink in my attention for as long as I give it to her. A submissive and/or slave is no different. Over the years, various degrees of training I have gone through, I have learned that there are different kinds of attention and that the notice of an Owner can take on many forms.


I have experience with those who feel that attention is a positive way to reinforce good behavior, making the withdrawal of that attention a punishment. I have spent time with others who have stated that attention should be a constant – and that the style of attention (negative or positive) should be what reflects the response behavior from the submissive’s behavior (or misbehavior). Then again I have been at the feet of some who do not feel anyone other than other dominants deserve his attention, unless he wished to lavish their attention onto someone so inferior to himself. And then there is the (once rare but now) popular person who hungers for the continued attention of a submissive person, because he/she lacks the necessary esteem to determine his/her own worth – leaving the attention of the submissive to be the ultimate reward/enforcer of his/her behavior.


To be honest, all of it kind of makes my head spin a bit. Personally, I do not like the be the sole measure of worth to anyone else. It’s too much pressure! I want to be pleasing, I want to put His needs before my own and make sacrifices of obedience... But at the same time, I emotionally cannot handle the silent treatment. I am realistic enough to know that I do not want someone at my beck and call – but I do need to be able to reach out from time to time and know He is still there. I think it is a balance that can be created if both people work at it... Of course, the amount of attention I need is determined by how deeply into surrender He wishes to take me. The further down the rabbit hole we go, the more I grow dependent on Him and His attention. Many call that ‘needy/clingy’ and I have grown to loathe those words! I hate the negative connotation that comes with that description, the sickening way my heart sinks into my stomach and how my own image of myself nose-dives because it robs the beauty of power exchange and replaces it with some cheap sense of . . . . . I cannot even think of the word to describe it. In my mind, at least, as I yield to His will I grow more malleable to what pleases Him. When the focus of the submissive is becoming – in essence – a reflection of what pleases Him... His will and He needs to consistently be in the mirror, so to speak. Which is why I never understood that the very people who would take me down the road of surrender, suddenly chastise for being 'needy/clingy' when they were demanding that I transform into their reflection?


Just semi-random thoughts of an evolving girl.

Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible forever, for what you have tamed.

-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince

This quote was also used in a previous post on Responsibility.