Intentions

Today was a rough day for me. Something happened that has caused me to question my desire for a power exchange relationship. Am I serving for the wrong reason? I want to serve because that is where I am happiest and feel the most like myself... I truly do wish to make my Owner happy and please Him. And yes, on some level I know that the skew of responsibility is asymmetrical – depending on which issues are focused on. But I’m not the kind of girl that is only trying to get out of ‘all decisions’, to kick back and ride my Master’s coat tails when it comes to making any choices or taking any responsibility at all. I have known people in the past that were submissive for those reasons, but I’m not that kind of girl. If anything, I find more choices to be made in service! Putting what will please my Master over what I want, because I feel that certain acts become an extension of service to Him.

Then again, on a certain level there is an amount of expectation when it comes to taking care of one’s partner. How can the girl serve Him if she is not at her best? While I want a Master who will ensure that I am taken care of and that will hold my best interest in His mind... I don’t want a Master just so He can take care of me.

Is it selfish for me to need someone to be strong for me when I can’t be? And not to assume too much, but I want that person to the Man I have given control of myself, my choices, etc. Or is that too much to ask? Or does that make my intentions of surrender selfish/wrong?

I’m still thinking, I don’t feel like I’m expressing it very well or my thoughts. But it is something to think about, I think.

~ I love this picture!

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