Wrong Expectations

I hate being a submissive because…
~Topic Provided by Submissive Journal Prompts

I hate being submissive when every guy expects me to enjoy waiting on Someone hand and foot, doing every ounce of domestic work (from cooking and cleaning to picking up his nasty underwear from the floor and taking out the trash). I don’t understand why a male expects a female to transform into their mother?! I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I am NOT the kind of girl that wants to come home from working all day to become a happy maid, so he doesn’t have to get out of that chair, and then leap into his bed as an energetic slut. If I have one more guy ask me to be his “domestic and sexual slave”, I’m going to scream! Why can’t he buy an old woman grandma type and a hooker? And leave me alone.


If both people in a relationship are working, then I believe that chores at home should be shared. This is the year 2009! If He is not working, he can bet his happy ass I won't be burning my candle at both ends, working and then coming home to clean up after him. Having a vagina does not mean I am the only one that is allowed to touch cleaning products in the house! If I wanted someone to pick up after, I would have had a child. I want a real Man, Someone who knows that His business/domestic actions are not limited to a mythological masculine stereotype.
I think my whole problem with the thoughts of being the only person in the house doing any form of cleaning and having a maternal role over my Partner... is that both instances make me feel my Partner is both lazy and he doesn’t care one way or the other. So how can I trust myself, my heart my mind my body, to a “guy” who is so lazy he can’t do anything around the house or truly doesn’t care about me or our living environment? How is he going to be there for me when I need him? He wouldn’t be able to function on his own, or if I were to have a really bad flare-up (of my fibromyalgia)? Plus it doesn't allow things I do to become a service to Someone, when it turns into chores that I have to do because he feels he is above them.


In my mind, that whole concept (of domestic tasks being women’s work) is stupid and unrealistic. Things would be different if my Owner/Master/Daddy decided that He could support me and my needs, and it would be best for me not to work... then yes I would take care of things at home. But to assume that these are my life goals and my only ambition, denies/ignores everything educated and intelligent about me. Are these kind of guys so afraid of a real women they will do anything to "keep her at home", sheltered away from the world that she doesn't realize she could do better?


Yes I want to do things to please my Owner/Master/Daddy, and yes I want to make things easier for Him and make Him happy... But for SOMEONE TO EXPECT IT FROM ME JUST BECAUSE I AM SUBMISSIVE, is what ticks me off to no end!

Thanksgiving 09

This year for Thanksgiving, I want to look back on 2009 and turn negative experiences into positive aspects that have improved my year. So here goes.

1. I was wrongly terminated and kicked out of my apartment in January. But it gave me an opportunity to move back home, get to know my family again, and find a job that I truly enjoy. I also have more free time and am able to relax more often, which allows my fibromyalgia to remain managable.
   
2. In February I developed severe bacterial pneumonia and was hospitalized for a week, almost died (literally) from three days with a 104* fever. Yet it reminded me how precious that life is and that I truly need to listen to my own heart, my own gut, and begin thinking of what is best for me again... I started thinking about what I need in relationships as well as in friendships... And that has made a big difference for me. I feel more free and less in the control of my past experiences.
   
3. I spent the summer breaking my back, taking care of my Dad. Keeping his secret of physical aggression, not telling anyone about the abuse he dished out to us... The physical attack wasn't near as bad as the emotional and mental assault... But now I know that I am strong enough to do what needs to be done, and stubborn enough to keep at it until Someone gets the care that he/she needs to get better. Plus I feel that I understand my desire for a Daddy/Master aspect Partner/dyanamic.
   
4. I've had my heart broken, but now I know more about what I am looking for. I always knew the ultimate 'no-no's that I would not tolerate, but I have learned new things that i do not want to compromise on. A relationship would be nice, but there are certain assurances that I must have before I can surrender completely.
   
5. I am continueing to listen to my body and trying to focus more on obeying the physical needs that I have instead of putting myself on the backburner to care for others. If someone truly cares about me, not only will he/she want what is best for me but he/she will want me to care for myself in the way that I need to have less pain.

Wishing everyone a very safe and
Happy Spanksgiving!

(<-- one thing I desired that I have yet to experience this year. Though there is always a month left to hope!) ;-)

November 20 2009

This whole week has been... sigh... And this evening, on the way home from a very difficult task... Overhead was a flicker of hope, that both made me smile and tear up at the same time. A faint rainbow played peekaboo over the mountain/tree line.

Yes I took it personally... as a sign that things will work themselves out... all I have to do is find a way to breathe....