I am His...

Maybe it is the weather warming up...

Maybe it is the cool front coming after...

Maybe it is where work is really picking up...

Maybe it is because my mattress is becoming more 'broken in'....

Maybe its because I have been out of a pain blocking medication for almost two months...

Maybe it's just my fibromyalgia... which doesn't require an explanation or reason to take possession of my body.

Either way, I'm hurting. Something is different this time. My joints burn on the inside, like acid is chewing away at my tendons, muscles, and joints. I can't think of another way to describe it. I can barely think anyway. Stiffness, muscle cramps, charley horses -- the searing pain doesn't allow me rest. My back, legs, chest muscles, arms, feet, and hands, nothing is safe. I am just floating along in a cloudy haze, drained -- physically, emotionally, and mentally. Once upon a time, it was rare to see me shed a tear... right now I am a frequent weeper. A commercial on tv, a moving passage in a book, a tender moment observed in the community... and I cannot help myself. Before I even realize it, my cheeks are streaked and my face is damp, salty tears cling to my lips as if begging my body to pull itself together.

Fibromyalgia is very jealous, vengeful and filled with rage. Its wraith has no mercy, its intensity knows no bounds. One way or another, fibro will have my single focused attention it revels in. My torment is his obsession. My tears, his prize.

Right now, I am His... whether I like it or not.