Control

Last night an old Friend (YahooGuy) messaged me on yahoo. It was good to talk with him again, it has been a couple years. Yet our conversation brought back memories of things I once desired... He is heavily into physical control, sensory deprivation, and strict protocol. And at one time, so was I.

Parts of me miss those physical expressions of control, but I think what I miss the most was the peace that comes within that power. The control that MathMan exerts over me now is different. YG didn’t care much to hear my thoughts, feelings, or expressions. He feels a slave’s mouth has but one use, for His pleasure. If I had begged for a moment to express myself to Him, He would allow it. Yet MathMan wants to know everything going on in my head – that is what pleases Him. I like that, even though it is new. I really think that as MathMan and I progress, I have confidence that opening up to Him will be easier for me, and then He will know everything about me... and perhaps that will be a sweeter form of control.

As much as I dislike the books, there are a few selections that resonate with me. One that comes to mind this morning, is:

He looked on her intently. He studied her. He gave her great attention. She turned her head to one side, her wrists secured in many turns of the binding fiber, her fists clenched....on earth many men did not even know their wives...Never, truly had they seen them. But a MathMan will know every inch, and care for every inch, of one of his slave girls. He will know every hair, every sweet blemish of her. In a way she is nothing to him, for she is only a slave. But in another way she is very important to him. She is one of his women. He will know her. He will want to know her completely, every inch of her body, every inch of her mind. Nothing less will satisfy him. She is his property. He will choose to know his property thoroughly. ~ Hunters of Gor