Bravery

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.

~Madonna

I have been holding onto this quote for a while, waiting for the right time to blog about it. For me, being brave is about loving myself unconditionally. That has been my resolution for 2007, to have a better understanding of who I am and what I need, not only in terms of power exchange, but with all areas of my life. I continue to give to myself, the attention I need to truly listen to my heart. I have grown as an employee, as a submissive, and as woman.

Still, I am not so brave that I do not fear rejection or being hurt again. In the past, and even this year, I have held myself at arm's length, emotionally, then hide from the other Person for not being able to handle my "emotional high maintenance" when in truth... I hadn't give Him a chance. It wasn't that I didn't give the other people a chance, but that I have to be sure I can trust someone with that part of myself, out of fear of being wounded again.

The time has come, to be a brave girl. I have prepared myself as much as I can and gotten to know myself the best I can, so that I am more aware of what I need in a Partner. i feel that I am ready, not only to serve but to truly surrender to the right One. I am not saying the 'next One' has to be the 'right One'... But I will no longer demean myself to settle for less than I need. Just that I am open to the possibilities of tomorrow.

A desire for a true Master, One who can touch my mind, whisper to my heart, and command my body to obey Him. I do hope that He will crave His control of my whole being-- not just sexually. I crave control in various parts of my life, His boundaries for things that are best for me, and His touch at other times, not just at bedtime. I don't want to be a girl who is called in the middle of the night for a kinky booty, nor do I desire to be kept in complete secret. I am not saying that I demand to meet family or anything, because that comes at its own time. I do not want to rush anything and am happy to let things go at their own pace. But I fear that the private respect for our relationship/activities will be used to help hide His true intentions from me. I don't wish to be only a 'toy' and for His secret amusement... I want a partner, equal -- yet intense with power exchange. I don't want to feel that He is ashamed of me or embarrassed by His desire to spend time with me.

I hope this makes sense... its difficult to word, and get my true meaning across.