Each breath brings little relief, each movement of my body screams in anger, the pain a heavy weight that keeps the mind from focusing. Please, just give me my medicine and let me sleep. Please just let me cry until the drugs kick in. Please keep the lights off. Please keep the noise way down. My body cannot handle the sensations, each bright light and loud sound is like needles to my head. Please just leave me to this so that when I wake up, I can feel much better.
Days like this, make me question the ability to handle anything more, be responsible for much more, or be able to totally surrender every single moment of every single day. I do not claim days like this, I have released all control and surrender to the fibromyalgia. This way, I do not feel guilty for not demanding myself to do more, or force myself to suffer through it or "be a trooper" and work against it. This way I can obey my body, remain in rest and wait on the new day.
Posted on 12/23/07 based on notes made on 12/20/07.
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