He's not the first to tell me to abstain from masturbation. He is, however, the first One in a long time that I have obeyed.
Sexual heat is something I experience quiet frequently, but normally I deal with it and move on... now I am forced to simmer in its fire. The worst part is, the louder my body screams for release, the more I think of His words. ‘When W/we come together in that way you will see it to have been worth it.’ Imagining His hand in my hair... His bite on my neck... Thinking about being together with Him in that way, only makes me more aroused! It’s a vicious cycle. :) Yet... I expect that He knew the directive would only make me think about how I am not allowed to touch myself, and that it would make me only want to touch myself more!
This is only day two -- three days is as long as I have been able to go in the past. I think the reason my mind is going crazy right now is because I have had to watch a movie that normally get me going. (ie: Blade, Underworld, Van Helsing, Indiana Jones, etc.) One of them came on 'On Demand' and my staff wanted me to watch with them.
Then, while looking through my pictures to find inspiration for a blog entry, I found some pictures on my computer that I greatly enjoy fantasy wise, but I shouldn't look at right now. Hmm... maybe it was a bad choice considering my current desire to obey Him... in spite of what my body is begging for.
Maybe it will get easier the longer it goes?
Ugh its only day two!! I don't think I'll make it...
But I do wish to please Him.
Update: 8:49p my intentions were to log on and report that a cold shower and some meditation helped ease my 'state', because it did. However, when I logged on tonight to add it to my entry, I had a message from Him... and it ignited me all over again. I do want to surrender my own needs of this to His pleasure, His will, and His timetable. I no longer wish to be under the control of my own lust.
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