Borderline Joy

There is a fine line between being of service and being used.
The difference is very difficult to see...
and even harder to explain.

I need to be of service.
I hate being used.
One truly speaks to my heart,
the latter disgusts me to no end.

Being allowed to serve makes my heart fill with joy.
Being used makes me feel so cheap.
If one does a good job in service maybe One will keep me.
Once I'm used, I will be discarded... again...
and that terrifies me completely.

Calm assertive energy

Random Thoughts Inspired by Ceasar Millan.

Calm assertive energy.

The absence of a pack leader breeds insecurity obsession and a need for control. One that sets boundaries, limits, and guidance can fix this.

Overly aggressive men produce aggressive energy. This will increase uneasy energy in the submissive one, causing her to withdraw and feel guarded. When a Man is giving off different energy, calm assertive energy, will allow me to be curious at His energy and able to approach in a stable manner. Without feeling the need for 'protection'.

In the absence of a 100 percent leader, the submissive one will seek to fill what they see as a vacant role. The girl will ignore the owner or act out in other ways. This is the beginning of giving control to her.

A girl will respond to your calm, assertive energy by balancing it with a calm, submissive state.

The pack leader also uses this calm, assertive energy to set rules, boundaries and limitations for how she interacts with her surroundings.

The pack leader doesn't project emotional or nervous energy. If you don't set rules, boundaries and limitations in calm, assertive ways, she will not respect you.

I need calm submissive state to sleep. This isn't a want -- this is a need. If I can't reach that calm submissive state, I will not allow myself to rest enough to actually sleep.

I know that Ceasar Millan works with animals but I feel it works with submissives too.

We are women, and want, truly, with everything in our hearts and bellies, to be women, and we cannot be women truly if men are not truly men! Lay down the whip, and we will attack you, and undermine you, and use your own laws, institutions, and rhetorics to destroy you, inch by inch! Lift it, and we will lick your feet in gratitude.

Own us, dominate us! Enslave us, properly, so that we may love you as women are meant to love, wholly and irreservedly, totally, without thought of ourselves!" She looked at me, tears in her eyes. "Is it so wrong to want to be ourselves?" "

~Renegades of Gor

Ol'McMaster Had A Farm

"fuck pig"

"cum cow"

Are these terms of endearment or degrading insults?

What are the purposes of these nicknames? Objectification? Humiliation? Degradation?

One knows that this greatly depends on Who is using the words and the relationship between the two.

Spinning

A girl hates this feeling.

Very much alone.

Outside looking in.

Cannot find balance.

No one speaks my language, so not only can I not find relief but I can't find understanding either. I don't know how to describe this overwhelming... frustration. I'm feeling "woe is me" its very different. Its definitely a form of spinning... Almost like I've been juggling and am growing tired of trying to keep everything up in the air... but I can't let it fall, I can't let anything drop!

my heart is just longing for that One
I can trust to catch the balls I drop.

{shae}A and {taya}S`B

Thought this picture was beautiful and wanted to share it with you both.

On being oneself

""The whip is good for us," she said. "Perhaps it is hard for you to understand that, as you are not a woman. It makes our womanhood a hundred times more meaningful. The essential point here is not being whipped, of course, which hurts, but being subject to the whip, and being truly subject to it. You see the distinction, I am sure.

We know that men are by nature sovereign over us. That comprehension requires no greater insight. Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. Accordingly we despise men who surrender their natural sovereignty. Surely, we would not be so stupid, would not be such weaklings and fools as to do that, if we were men. It would be too valuable and too glorious a thing to give up. Its surrender would be a tragedy.

But we are not men! We are women, and want, truly, with everything in our hearts and bellies, to be women, and we cannot be women truly if men are not truly men! Lay down the whip, and we will attack you, and undermine you, and use your own laws, institutions, and rhetorics to destroy you, inch by inch. Lift it, and we will lick your feet in gratitude.

Own us, dominate us! Enslave us, properly, so that we may love you as women are meant to love, wholly and unreservedly, totally, without thought of ourselves!" She looked at me, tears in her eyes. "Is it so wrong to want to be ourselves?" "

Page 157 - Renegades of Gor

Brutal Truth

Needy?
Greedy for attention?
Ravenous for affection?
Insatiable?
Dependent?
Emotionally high maintenance?
Sexually high maintenance?


Yes I am.

I need to be close to you,
but I don’t know how to
allow you to get close to me.

Does that make me impossible?

Sounds like a lot of work,
so what would you get in return?

my world

What I want.

I get so tired of being asked "what do you want" or "what are you looking for" because if these people truly understood me... would they need to ask? I understand that people aren't mind-readers, but the more that I learn, the more I see what I want and desire is represented in various quotes from Norman's books. I hope this doesn't mean that the One I am searching for is fictional...

Anyway, here is the quote that shows the split within.

*§*

"The Goreans claim that in each woman there is a free companion, proud and beautiful, worthy and noble, and in each, too, a slave girl. The companion seeks for her companion; the slave girl for her master. It is further said, that on the couch, the Gorean girl, whether slave or free, who has had the experience, who has tried all loves, begs for a master.

She wishes to belong completely to a man, withholding nothing, permitted to withhold nothing. And, of course, of all women, only a slave girl can truly belong to a man, only a slave girl can be truly his, in all ways, utterly, totally, completely, his, selflessly, at his mercy, his ecstatic slave, helpless and joyous in the total submission which she is given no choice but to yield."

Page 102 - Hunters of Gor