Surrender

I don't do much of anything half way. I give 100% at work. I give 100% to my family. I give 150% when I submit to Someone. The problem with that is, I need something back. I don't need hours of His undivided attention... but I do need those little 'three minute actions'. Things like, a quick call to allow me to hear His voice or a text message telling me to 'remember to be pleasing to Him'. Even something like telling me to drink water or kool-aid the rest of the night, or to take a long hot shower imaging my hands are His hands and bringing myself close but to deny release until He allows it.

I need those little acts of control, I thrive on them. They feed my surrender in ways that I cannot even describe. When I beg for those small acts of control, its because I am starving for them. I need to serve as strongly as I need to breath. I don't know how to be a 'part-time girl', that's why I can't do casual play/sex. With me, it is all or nothing because that's what I surrender... everything.

Transferred from written journal posted for date originally written.