I had never really thought about it... I mean, I had thought about the dynamics and thought process that go behind power exchange. Up until tonight I thought I had done my best to comprehend what He goes through - but now I am realizing that I have absolutely no clue... and that was a bit foolish on my part. Dominants Masters and Daddys are people too - yes I know that in my heart, but my brain refuses to see them subject to the same fears, insecurities, and hurts that I go through. Why do I have such a need for Him to be invincible? Just because He struggles with moments of insecurities does not mean that he will always waiver on things I need so desperately - like structure and boundaries. Just because He admits that He needs me and my surrender as much I as need Him doesn't make him weak... Isn't that something I should hope for? That sounds like a good balance of give and take.... Maybe that is why I haven't thought about it... I already doubt so much about myself these days, my nature aches with the thought of disappointing the One I want to please the most... So perhaps I don't trust myself with that kind of power over the One I desire... I know first hand how much it can hurt to be betrayed in that manner and I hate the thought of doing it to someone else - even if it wasn't intentional...
This jumbling series of emotional thoughts were triggered by a blogpost that I read last night and didn't even realize what I was seeing until it misted through my brain this evening... Thank you again, Dauntless Vitality, for stirring my mental pot.
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