Play Date

Dear Pixie:

I had a good time at your house.  It was good to see you.  Your puppy is funny and very affic affectionia ai ia friendly.  My puppy was upset she smelled another dog but she is ok now.  Thank you for letting me come over, the play date was fun.  No body makes me laugh like you do.  And even though we had supervision, I had fun.  I have to go now, I'm sleepy.  C-U soon sis.

love,

Elana

PS  Please tell your puppy I said hi and I will be back to play again soon.

Understanding -vs- Respecting (It Happened Again)

It's official.  I fell for it again.  Someone comes on strong, communicates openly and desires a lot of interaction for a little while, then... nothing.  It just kind of.. fizzles out.  

I understand that -- no wait.  Pixie and I talked about this some and she has a great point.  Respecting someone's choices is one thing, understanding the reasoning behind it is something completely different.  I don't understand - any of it.  I respect the fact that people don't know what they want but I don't understand the games that are played in the meantime.

I just wish I understood.  But I can imagine that this would be me, trying to listen to an explanation about right now. (Click on her, she's animated!)

  

These thoughts to be continued... 

Late Night Thoughts

While I am thankful that I am 100% cancer free and back on my regular medications, I can't get my mind out of the gutter. Even my scalp aches to feel the burn of a Man's fingers curling in my hair as he makes me gag on His body...

Thankfully a picture speaks a thousand words... :) 

  

Two Thousand Eight Hundred Eighty Minutes

For the most part, I can control myself, my actions, my words, and my responses.  Even if I have to disconnect to a certain extent, I can keep pretty much to myself so that others don’t know that my feelings have been hurt.  However, I have zero control over my little girl side.  Once she connects with someone, its impossible for me to reign her in unless I shut her down completely.  Its not that I don’t want that connection with someone, its just that that part of me doesn’t understand things that the rest of me does.  For example, there are 1,440 minutes in one 24-hour period.  That is 2, 880 minutes in a 48 hour period.  I understand how someone can get caught up in what they are doing and be either too busy or too tired to contact me at all.  The little girl side of me doesn’t understand how in one thousand four hundred and forty minutes, there aren’t two minutes to send an email or even thirty seconds to send a text message.  The ONLY way that makes sense to the little girl side of me is that the person in question was not thinking of me at all, period.  Or that talking to me is clearly not a priority.  It’s not that any part of me wants someone to devote all of his time and attention to me, but to not be able to make thirty seconds for me?

The hardest part is that I don't know how to make her understand...   While I know in my head it is unrealistic to a certain extent, I don't know how to keep that part of me from getting her hopes up and keeping her from connecting strongly too quickly.  The only way I know how to do that is to shut her down, but I'm not able to completely silence her... 

She is also the part of me that wants to be close to Someone else, who aches to share her secrets and hopes for One she can trust completely.  It's my job to try and take care of her, including protect her.  Apparently I'm not doing that very well right now...   

Sparks

I met HIStory tonight...  Yes it was a little earlier than we had discussed but the opportunity presented itself and we both thought it would be a good idea.  To be honest, I was so nervous I was ready to get it over with ~ plus I needed to see if He was who He seems to be... or what kind of energy I felt off of Him.  I'm a pretty good judge of character, and you know what they say about things/people who appear a little to good to be true... 

The little girl liked Him very much, I had a hard time keeping her reigned in but she still expressed herself... a lot. 

This picture pretty much sums up the rest of it. :) 

~blush~

All I can say is that I am looking forward to spending more time with Him. 

Thank you HIStory, Sir, for the meet.

Rock the Red Pump: HIV/AIDS Awareness

Tomorrow, March 10th 2011, is the Campaign for HIV/Aids Awareness for women and children.

Rocking Red Pumps to Raise Awareness!

Nearly a third of all adults living with HIV/AIDS are under the age of 25 and two thirds of them are women.  

Surveys indicate that compared to women who have some post primary schooling, women with no education are five times more likely to lack basic information about HIV/AIDS. 

In 2002, an estimated 800,000 children under the age of l5 were infected with HIV, the vast majority (90 per cent) as a result of parent-to-infant transmission.

Find out your HIV status:

Visit HIVtest.org. Enter your ZIP code and you'll get a list of HIV testing sites, including those that offer free HIV tests.
 
Call 1-800 CDC-INFO (1-800-232-4636).
 
Text your ZIP code to KNOWIT (566948) and you'll receive a message in reply that lists the nearest testing locations.

Being a shadow

I’ve never been the kind of girl that wanted up under someone all the time.  Normally I like having my space, talk every now and then, get together when its possible (and if I want to)... but I have recently met Someone online that I crave being near.  I’ve had People on my mind before, but never with this pull to touch base with Him.  I would be happy being in the same room with Him, not really talking, but just being allowed to be next to Him... touching Him in some small way... like a shadow. 

I’ve never been in this position before.  Maybe its just where its new and He is still a mystery to me?  Maybe its because the last 12 months have been so overwhelming that I’m starving for the calm-quiet that comes from spending time with Him.  Maybe its where I have felt invisible for so long, in every aspect of my life, that to meet someone who can see me... feel me through my words...  that He makes me feel like a woman... and maybe even a little safe?  Maybe its because of the last twelve months of absolute chaos, I am accepting that I  can't do it all on my own...

There is something different about HIStory, or maybe I am different this time.. He seems genuinely interested in learning me, my thoughts, my desires, and opening up to me in return...  He is on my mind, yes, but more than just a "wonder what He is doing" kind of thing... I'm torn between giving Him space and being glued to Him like a shadow.  

Or I could just be losing my mind.  :)  Either way, the journey appears it could be an interesting one.

Thank you HIStory, for introducing me to these new feelings, Sir.  

     

Sexing up Fetlife: A Bit of a Rant

There is a new trend on FetLife that has had me wondering a few things for a while now.  Yes I understand that in the world of bdsm that sex plays a big part in the attraction of power exchange.  I don't want to get into the argument that there is more to Master/slave than sex because I truly feel there is.  

The purpose of this post is more about the curious inclination to posting pictures of the person posting the picture involved in an act of sexual intercourse.  Seeing various pictures of his cock in her pussy or her mouth swallowing his body doesn't do anything for me.  It doesn't tell me anything more about the poster, other than they finally had sex. :)  I'm the kind of person that thinks if you need to show proof you are getting laid, then you probably aren't. 

I completely understand that everyone has their own kink and I embrace the fact that everyone has the right to do whatever they want (as long as it follows a few universal no-nos [like children or true non-consent]), but I'm not sure how much thought went into a young mother of multiple children posting pictures of her being gang-banged by at least four guys-- hello your face is showing!  Does anyone realize how a conservative court system can rope that into calling in DCS because someone is an unfit mother?  For crying out loud, if President Clinton can't get his dick sucked in peace, what makes anyone else think they can post pictures without consequences?

I guess I just get frustrated when people want to know where my sexing pictures are and why aren't they posted "like they should be".  To me sex is intimate and private, a personal exchange of desire between two people.  I'm not much of an exhibitionist. 

That being said, I'm far from a prude!  Trust me, there is nothing I enjoy more than cock worship, but I'm not about to post any pictures of me doing it!  I'd rather He be enjoying how it feels than worrying about focusing the camera. 

I love this picture, but it isn't me ;)