It Doesn't Change Anything

What is it about Him that... gets around my walls every time?

He calls me 'His one', He's called me that from the very beginning... Yet He is inconsistent. I'm a little smarter this time, I think. I'm not putting any stock into any of His words... not his promise to make time for me soon... not his statements of how much he has missed me and thought of me...

The fucked up part is that it's been over two years since I have seen Him and I can still feel His hand on me.... There is definitely something between us, always has been... always will be. A spark that I can feel no matter how He contacts me... phone... text... computer... I can't even begin to describe it. I can feel His gaze on me, I can feel His hand in my hair, I can feel His breath on my skin... but it doesn’t change anything. None of it changes anything. It doesn't mean anything anymore. Yes it is very nice to hear and for a minute I let my heart take it in... but it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. It will still be a year before I hear from Him again... and I may never see Him again. That's ok. No it really isn't, but it is... it has to be.

He always says that I am His and He will come for me when the time is right… yet He doesn’t make time for me. A few moments here, an hour there... then eight to ten months later, He shows up again.