Sexual Service

I looked down upon her. "You are a wanton slave," I said. She looked up at me laughing, "A girl in a collar is not permitted inhibitions," she said. It was true, slave girls must reveal their sexual nature, totally. Do they not do so, they are beaten.
~ Marauders of Gor, Page 278

She fell to kissing me, with the lascivious, wanton joy of the slave girl, given no choice but to reveal and liberate, and act upon, completely and with perfection, her deepest, most hidden desires, even though she might in misery, scorn herself for possessing them.
~ Marauders of Gor, Page 296

In my heart, I desire to please another more than I seek my own pleasure. I ache to meet His needs and burn to serve Him in all ways. Even though I am slow to warm up to someone sexually, it is another way I desire to be pleasing. My background has not been the most positive, and I must confess that sexual service is a way that is the most difficult for me, I have very low self-esteem, amorously speaking.

Some would argue that as a slave to Another I should mold my desires after His, change my arousal to things that He requires/enjoys... But to be honest, I do have a need to be pushed past that good girl image into this growling begging white-hot slut who burns so hot for His pleasure that she cries out all these things that would make me blush normally! I need to be able to let go of that constant monitoring of my speech and image, to be allowed to be broken down to that wanton tramp who is so focused on His release that she becomes this animal, slave not only to Him but to her own passion that He stirs up.

When I let go of that part of myself too truly open up, erotically, I tend to get a bit of a potty mouth. That is how I open up to Someone and if He were to turn around and insult me or call 'that part' of me filthy... it really hurts. Once made aware that it bothered me, if were to say that He was only teasing, how can I believe that He is kidding? It was enough of a distraction to Him to interrupt to scold me, no one does that when they are only jesting. It’s so difficult for me to put enough trust in the fact that I can open up with that part of me...

Yes I have had horrific experiences, sexually. I have had non-consensual experiences that have haunted my nightmares for a long time after. I have had consensual encounters that ended in severe abuse. I have been mocked, scorned, humiliated, and verbally attacked based on what turns me on. And that is from those who were supposed to be my partners! Yes I am trying to let go and move beyond these memories, but when I am told that I am 'filthy'... it brings a lot of that back. Which isn’t His fault, of course, how is He to know these things? But how can I bring it up while remaining in 'my place'?