"Masculinity and femininity are complementary properties," I told her. "If a man wishes a woman to be more feminine, he must be more masculine. If a woman wishes a man to be more masculine, she must be more feminine." ~ Explorers of Gor
This is one of my favorite concepts. I truly believe that changing the environment in which the behavior occurs can alter a behavior. I do this kind of thing at work, its amazing to watch how accurate it is. However, a recent conversation with my best friend has caused me to look at this through the power-exchange window.
I would like to examine this concept along with a Dominant/submissive relationship. Once the relationship and guidelines are established for the relationship, which comes next? Does he take the reigns and exert his mastery, causing the woman to fall at his feet in submission? Should the girl kneel before him in submission, igniting his mastery? The two concepts, her kneeling and his mastery, are domino effects that have strong dependence on one-another. But, which should come first?
My own experience states that there are days in which it will fluctuate between the two people. In the past, I have had days that I had to force myself to kneel and offer up a choice to the one (I felt) wasn’t holding up the dominant’s end of the deal. Yes there were also days that I had to be forced to my knees by some skilled mastering and brought back to that mental place that allows my submission to flow forth without obstruction.
Looking back... doing a, b, and c to get the responses I needed in the relationship is what held me there long past when it was over. Maybe that manipulation is what drug out the relationship past our ability to part as friends?
If the submissive steps up to the plate and demonstrates complete submission to the dominant and he responds, is she topping from the bottom? Or merely maintaining her role in the relationship without regard to the circumstances? If a dominant requires that the submissive does a, b, and c so that he can exert responses x, y, and z, how is he maintaining control? Is it unrealistic to require that a dominant hold onto the control all of the time, come hail or high water? Dominants are people too, and we all make mistakes. How can we, as submissives, expect mercy and guidance for our mistakes without granting the one we serve the ability to make them also? Growth occurs when we learn from our mistakes, and I don’t want a dominant that is stagnating in his own development.
Hmm…
Author's Note: This entry is assuming the dominant is male and the submissive
is female, although this debate will work no matter the gender of either person.
is female, although this debate will work no matter the gender of either person.
2 comments:
elana,
this is a very interesting question. I wonder if it really needs to be either way. Can it not be a near simulatious meeting of one's dominance with one's submission? Happening so nearly at the exact same moment that to distinguish which came first is nearly impossible?
Personally, I think at the very beginning of a relationship it can come from either one or both at the same time. The inital draw to Oone Aanother can come from either source, the Dominant can sense and smell the submission that one gives off or a submission can be drawn to the radiance of the Dominants mastery or it can be a mutual sensing.
On the day to day after the relationship is established though, the bulk of the weight I would put on the Dominant, is it not the Dominants job to lead, guide and nurture what they own? To be fair, there will be times when the submissive may need to take more "control" so to speak then normal, each of us has our bad days and needs support from those we love. This becomes a problem if it is something that happens all the time. If a submissive has to take control too often it means that the Dominant is not the right one for that submissive or perhaps not a true Dominant.
It is the Dominants job to keep the submissive in that mental place without letting them waiver and to quickly bring them back to "their place" as it wer when they start too. Even if it is something as simple as having one focus their mind through meditation and/or reflection while kneeling naked in a room in the "standard" position of submission for a half hour, or commanding one that when they need to move from room to room they need to do so on hands and knees or any of a million other options.
For myself once a person gives themselves over to me I expect certain things there full submission but only if I continue to give them my full ownership of them. If I begin to waiver, how can I expect them not to? Yes at times they will need to hold the line on their own, but never for long periods. If one is going to be unable to exert the control and dominance over theirs for a period of time they should provide daily exercises to the one they own to keep the mind focused and prevent that waivering.
One should always expect and even wish that, the Dominant or submissive they are with, will make mistakes. That might sound a bit strange, but as long as two things hold true then mistakes are not bad. The first is that the person learn from the mistakes they make, as you say we are all human beings and all flawed by nature. It is through our "failures' that we learn the most. When we do well and succeed we tend to spend too much time patting ourselves on the back and overlook the areas we could have done better and as a result learn less that we could. When we "fail" we are forced to look the truth of our humanity straight in the eyes and accept it. When this happens we learn more, as long as we have an open mind and heart.
The second thing is that these mistakes, while great learning experiences should not occur too often. If one constantly makes mistakes then there is the possibility of more serious underlying problems.
As you say, we all need to be willing and able to grow every day. If we stop growing we stop living. There is never a point when one will ever know everything about anything.
As you say, we all need to be willing and able to grow every day. If we stop growing we stop living. There is never a point when one will ever know everything about anything.
Maybe trying to figure out which comes first or how the dynamic actually works is a waste of energy and time...but the above words alone must never be forgotten and must always burn within both. Without growth there is nothing...without the desire to grow more...travel deeper...then why are we here at all? A girl also understands and respects mistakes...hell she makes enough of them...but where is that an excuse and when it become a "ticket" out of responsibility? Hmmm....well here are just a pixie's rambling thoughts :)
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