We all have those moments in our lives that either reassure us that we are destined for wonderfully better things or confirm our darkest fears. Most of the time, it takes reflection to realize what those moments are because to the naked eye/thought process we may not be able to see the domino affect each moment has.
I heard from one of my cousin earlier, she had dinner with my grandfather. Well he isn’t my grandfather anymore, him and my grandmother are getting a divorce. He isn’t my Mom’s biological father but was married to her mother for thirty-eight years. He’s the only grandfather I’ve known on my mother’s side of the family. My father’s parents passed away in the mid-90s, so I had gotten close with my maternal grandparents.
He and I used to go to football games all over the place, from local little league games to college games, football was our world the whole season. I selected my college because it was where he wanted me to go, UTK was our favorite college team to watch. He kept my car running, mended my broken hearts, came to my first job several times a week just to tip me, we must of gone to a hundred amusement park concerts, took care of all the stray dogs I left at his house, taught me about cattle, and taught me to ride a bike. He was always there. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t connected to me by blood, he was always there for me. Mom says that he brought me home from the hospital, of course I don’t remember that. But I do remember when I was in a major car wreck as a child, he was the one in the ER with me.
I knew that my grandmother wasn’t happy with him, I didn’t like how he treated her, but I loved him and he treated me well. He always told me that no matter what happened between him and my grandmother, he would always be my grandfather. And I always believed him.
Three years ago, my grandmother filed for divorce. At first I thought that he wasn’t contacting any of “her” grandchildren (there are four of us). Recently I discovered… he wasn’t contacting me. He tried to keep in touch with Grace (my sister) but she wouldn’t talk to him. He still sees my cousins regularly, they talk almost every day. Whenever I see him, he pretends he doesn’t know me. I know their divorce is for the best, I want my grandmother to be happy. But after twenty-four years of being my active grandfather, how can he just forget all about me? During the last three years, I haven’t heard a word from him, when I have passed him he just looks right through me…
Maybe I’m the one he won’t face…
Maybe he can’t…
Maybe he doesn’t want to….
Maybe he doesn’t know that I miss him…
Maybe I shouldn’t.
Maybe it just confirms my greatest fear…
Everyone leaves.
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