Yet always herself...

A man is a strange beast I think, for he both desires one woman and many women, and perhaps most he desires one woman who will be many women, others, delicious others, and yet always, too, herself. ~ Captive of Gor

A woman is a complex creature. There are so many different sides to her; strength, vulnerability, confidence, tenderness, and the ability to feel such great joy but also tremendous pain.

Submissive women are no different.

I am no different.

I have different sides that are needed by different people, at work I am very much in charge and the ‘mother figure’ for my clients and staff. I am responsible for decisions for my family. I try my best to be a compassionate caring nonjudgmental friend to those who need me.

And there are many women I want the courage to be.

There is a little girl, giggly and chatty, her whole world revolves around her Hero -- the One she calls ‘Daddy’. In her eyes, He can do no wrong and is the only One who can save her from the monsters under the bed and the strange noises outside when it’s dark. This little girl who lights up at the sound of His voice, who wants His warmth against her, and the gentle touch of His hand. In her world, He can make everything better, with a hug or a kiss, or even a new coloring book or baby doll if that is His choice. That little girl needs to know that He is there, watching over her, so that she can sleep. Allowed to playfully test her boundaries and tweaking His rules for her, she knows that He won’t allow her to stray to far from His side.

There is a girl who wants to be His pet. There at His side, cuddly and greedy for His notice. Caress her, touch her, talk with her, this needy pet is licking at His hands and nuzzling against Him like a hungry kitten. Yes she wants to be pleasing and hear His voice call her ‘good girl’ but she is very demanding of His time and attentions. The pet needs to be appeased so that she may rest against Him. The pet requires a short leash, she will follow Him wherever He goes… because her undying adoration of Him is evident in the fact she can’t stand to be parted from Him.

There is a submissive who wants to please the One she calls ‘Sir’, putting His needs before her own. This girl strives to be pleasing; she is dedicated and proactive in obeying His rules, wanting to deliver His satisfactions. This one maintains a high level of respect for Him and His needs, requesting His guidance and begging His reassurance that things are the way He desires them. The girl’s own needs come secondary, yet she is able to vocalize them to Him. The submissive can busy herself with things that will please Him, does not need to be in His company to keep Him on her mind. His compliments are her encouragement, His smile is her reward.

There is a girl, quiet off in the back, who needs to be His slave. Slightly weathered from the storms of her life, the girl needs to be able to fall to her knees before Him, desperate for His peace. At the touch of His hand, her walls crumble, left defenseless, raw, exposed, and open… tears wash away doubts and fears, cleansing her from the pain she has tucked so her heart so tightly, leaving her a blank canvas for His creation. Without etiquette or pride, she lays herself at His feet, hiding nothing from Him… as she offers up all that she is to the One she calls ‘Master’. His touch becomes her salvation, His arms her refuge. By just her name on His lips, He destroys those barriers and teachers her that He is to be her center, her anchor in the storm, and her priority. His pleasure becomes her focus, she becomes obsessed with serving Him. Not from fear of punishment ~ even though knowing that she has disappointed Him crushes her spirit ~ but because she cannot fathom life without it. This girl has no doubts that He will always take care of her, yet also knowing that if He sees fit, she can and will be removed from His presence. This offers comfort to the girl, because she does not wish to be kept out of obligation, but because He longs for her service as much as she craves His mastery. The girl knows she has absolute faith in His depth, command, control, and power, embracing those strengths in her own life.

The slave within, however, is terrified. She has been beaten, raped, used, discarded, and with each abandonment this girl grows weaker. So the other parts step forward to protect her. The little girl will distract you, the pet will flirt with you, and the submissive will cater to you… each doing their part to keep the slave within shielded and safe until the right One comes along to bring her back to the surface.

Who are these women? They are all me, deep within me beats the heart of each of these girls. I am each one of them. Perhaps this is what the quote meant, that a Man truly desires these different sides, unique and special, because together they become ‘His’.