Grass is always greener

Why is it that we yearn to be more or other than we are? It so rarely occurs to us that what we are looking for may be- indeed, always is- already within us, undiscovered.

-Toinette Lippe, quoted by Submissive Journal Prompts

Lately I have found myself wishing I were a touch more feminine...  Smokey teases me about being his brother (instead of his sister) because of what I like to watch on tv and in sports.  Deep down, I've always wanted to be more feminine.  It's not that I'm butch now or even masculine, but I was raised as a tom boy and taught to be independent, to take care of my own business, and was taught to swing a hammer before I was ever taught how to boil water.


I have had others tease me that I am 'butch', but I think it is more because of the 'front' I put on to ensure that things are taken care of, people in my care are safe, and because of how I carry myself (being taught to have a firm strong stance at work because of being around clients with violent behaviors)...  I can understand on one hand how those things would read as masculine but I don't have another any other options at this point.  Perhaps since they are learned behaviors/responses I can unlearn them in time? 


I sincerely feel that I am feminine in my own way, especially when I am able to relax into my natural state of surrender.  Maybe this is a case of thinking the grass is always greener on the other side?


Just thinking....