2010

 Looking back on my resolutions from 2010, I see that (while I have traveled the long hard road to get here), I think I am where I need to be at the closing of this year. 

While 2010 was a very difficult one, I have been very blessed.  Yes I lost my Dad (RIP), but he is finally at peace and in no more pain - for that I am thankful.  Yes I have been through medical hell the last seven months, but it has reminded me that life is too short to be wasted.  Yes I have spent the last three weeks sick with pneumonia, but it has brought my family closer together.  

Goodbye 2010, thank you for your blessings in disguise but I truly hope that 2011 is kinder and brings more laughter than tears, more joy than pain, and a hell of a lot more fun. 

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
- Author Unknown 

Rant about personal responsibility

I wish the stage were like a tight rope 200 feet high with no net.. then only the most skilled would attempt to step upon it.   - Sanford Meisner

I ran across a profile on collarme that almost made me sick at my stomach. In a way, my heart broke for this girl - but at the same time I can't imagine entering a power exchange relationship and NOT educating yourself first!

"i used to have illusions about being smart and going to college and having a family, but luckily i met my first trainer who taught me what a useless thing i am unless my holes are being used to please and amuse my betters."

Who would be to blame in this situation? Neither people seem to know what they are doing, how much of the responsibility to teach her does the "dominant" have and now much of that education is her own responsibility? I could understand several decades ago when the majority of things were underground and you had to know someone who knew someone who knew someone... but now with the internet, there is a world of information at her fingertips. Today it is easy to find local munch/discussion groups to gain experience in a safe environment...then again, one would have to glean what they desire to explore from the plethora of knowledge out there. 

I have often read the profiles of 19 year old "dominates" (both male and female), and am perplexed by how many of this new generation feel that power exchange is either about financial exploitation or about easy sex with no responsibility. Unfortunately there are others, not just the young newbies, who feel the same way... hence the profile about the young girl throwing her life away to be an "useless thing i am unless my holes are being used to please and amuse my betters". That makes my heart break to see potential tossed aside for some loser who finds his (or her) self worth by destroying others. 

I'm not sure exactly what the focus of the rant is other than it is exhausting to weed through those who know what they are doing and those who are uneducated mimickers.  It can be discouraging when our paths seem to be overwhelmed by those who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.  But I do believe, male or female, dominant or submissive, every person is responsible for their own desires, education, and experiences.  There are no more excuses, everyone was new at one time or another -- that is what local discussion/munch groups are for... learning - no matter what your experience level.

 

Remember Thumper

" If you can't say something nice,
don't say nothing at all." 

It's been a rough few weeks, caught up in a fibro/lupus flare up while recovering from the pneumonia.  Things at home are good, I'm recovering and feeling better each day...  But work... Oh work... Let's just say that I have had this on my mind while I've been working -- which is why I've been quiet. :) 

Remembering Thumper has made me think of Dad, he used to say "Now, elana, remember Thumper".   Somehow it has made me miss him a little less during the holidays...

Christmas gift suggestions

Christmas gift suggestions: 

To your enemy, forgiveness. 

To an opponent, tolerance. 

To a friend, your heart. 

To a customer, service. 

To all, charity. 

To every child, a good example. 

To yourself, respect. 

~Oren Arnold

True Strength

 by purplekit94 on Polyvore.com

I am strong, because I am weak.

I am beautiful, because I know my flaws.

I am a lover, because I am a fighter.

I am fearless, because I have been afraid.

I am wise, because I have been foolish.

And I can laugh, because I've known sadness.

These words have given me strength lately...

Update

Pneumonia + Lupus = 
A very sick girl  

Thank you Puppy for checking on me, hope you recover smoothly quickly too!  I must say, your way of taking your temp sounds much more fun than the way I am doing it. ;-) 

I Haz A Bug

Being sick sucks.

I miss being able to breathe without coughing.

I miss having a voice.

I miss not having to check my temperature all the time.

And I miss my Dad... He was the best at taking care of me while I was sick.  But I am making it.   

Monster in her man

"The girl needs some monster in her man, and that's not in your nature." - Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Truer words have never been spoken, and recently I am hearing them about the vanilla guys I seem to be attracting right now.  While the time with the vanilla guys are slightly different than my time spent with dominant guys, maybe it won't be so bad?  I'm curious to see, though, how it will go... as more time is spent...

And the thing is, I like my evil like I like my men - evil. You know, "strait up, black hat, tied to the train tracks, soon my electro-ray will destroy Metropolis," bad. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.
~ Buffy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer