Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Twas the Night before Christmas


Twas The Night Before Christmas
~ Author doesn’t wish to be named


'Twas the night before Christmas,
and boy it was neat
The kids were both gone,
and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted,
and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky,
by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
That was some brothel, he said with a smile,
The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den,
Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone,
and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples,
a penis extension,
And several other things that
I shouldn't even mention.

A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Fibro





This cold weather is playing havoc on my body, my muscles and joints are beyong angry wtih me and my energy is spent quickly trying to overcome the spasms/aches/etc...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Wrong Expectations


I hate being a submissive because…
~Topic Provided by
Submissive Journal Prompts
I hate being submissive when every guy expects me to enjoy waiting on Someone hand and foot, doing every ounce of domestic work (from cooking and cleaning to picking up his nasty underwear from the floor and taking out the trash). I don’t understand why a male expects a female to transform into their mother?! I have mentioned this in previous posts, but I am NOT the kind of girl that wants to come home from working all day to become a happy maid, so he doesn’t have to get out of that chair, and then leap into his bed as an energetic slut. If I have one more guy ask me to be his “domestic and sexual slave”, I’m going to scream! Why can’t he buy an old woman grandma type and a hooker? And leave me alone.


If both people in a relationship are working, then I believe that chores at home should be shared. This is the year 2009! If He is not working, he can bet his happy ass I won't be burning my candle at both ends, working and then coming home to clean up after him. Having a vagina does not mean I am the only one that is allowed to touch cleaning products in the house! If I wanted someone to pick up after, I would have had a child. I want a real Man, Someone who knows that His business/domestic actions are not limited to a mythological masculine stereotype.
I think my whole problem with the thoughts of being the only person in the house doing any form of cleaning and having a maternal role over my Partner... is that both instances make me feel my Partner is both lazy and he doesn’t care one way or the other. So how can I trust myself, my heart my mind my body, to a “guy” who is so lazy he can’t do anything around the house or truly doesn’t care about me or our living environment? How is he going to be there for me when I need him? He wouldn’t be able to function on his own, or if I were to have a really bad flare-up (of my fibromyalgia)? Plus it doesn't allow things I do to become a service to Someone, when it turns into chores that I have to do because he feels he is above them.


In my mind, that whole concept (of domestic tasks being women’s work) is stupid and unrealistic. Things would be different if my Owner/Master/Daddy decided that He could support me and my needs, and it would be best for me not to work... then yes I would take care of things at home. But to assume that these are my life goals and my only ambition, denies/ignores everything educated and intelligent about me. Are these kind of guys so afraid of a real women they will do anything to "keep her at home", sheltered away from the world that she doesn't realize she could do better?


Yes I want to do things to please my Owner/Master/Daddy, and yes I want to make things easier for Him and make Him happy... But for SOMEONE TO EXPECT IT FROM ME JUST BECAUSE I AM SUBMISSIVE, is what ticks me off to no end!