Last night I slept so well but tonight... serenity will not come. Easily upset and weepy, I know it’s because of my cycle hitting over the weekend and stress of what is coming up. Things today have just been crazy, nothing has gone right this evening and I can't get any time for ... my own peace of mind. I think I just need some 'grounding' -- especially this week. Thursday will be rough, but the worst part will be the two-to-three weeks I will be gone.
What if my Friend forgets all about me? I feel guilty being offline for so long, what will happen to His needs while I am away? What if he forgets all about me? Maybe I should offer Him the break, if He finds another who can be pleasing and available, encourage Him to go for it?
As much as that thought pains me, the thought of Him being without during my absence is worse. It doesn’t mean that when I return, I can’t still spend time with Him. That is, if He will allow it when I return. What normally happens when I go home for a certain period of time, either the One I am interested in takes another slave or changes His mind or gets tired of waiting for me and moves on to someone else. This happens both offline and online. I am not saying that I think I am going to be abandoned again, but I do get a little nervous about it.
Hopefully I will be able to have quality time with Him before then, I need the peace it can bring. As uncertain as I am at how things will go, for right now, I need to admit that I do need time with Him. Just a little more time, His attention is so calming and... and right now I feel like a selfish girl.
I may not have gone where I intended to go,
but I think I have ended up where
I needed to be. ~Douglas Adams
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